Going Down Hill

[Mozza]

zed - This is a difficult situation, but there seems to be hope. You will just have to be patient.

As Jefe said, maybe she is depressed and going through a difficult phase. She doesn't seem to be thinking very clearly and gets upset when she loses control of the process. So far, except for tonight when you spoke over her, you've been handling things fairly well, I would say (I'm not a vet...). One of the principles of DB is "speak with your actions". Just by staying in the house, you refuse to be called a loser. No need to tell her that. Resist the urge to ask for validation from her by verbalizing.

It will get worse before it gets better. Expect that she will move out, remain very angry with you, try to build a new life and find some happiness in it before even reconsidering her decision. Don't be fooled by the glimmers of hope she'll give you along the way, like a nice attention here and there, a lunch or something like that. She'll remain steadfast. You have to be patient: the only way back to you is through her heart. She will have to miss you and love you again. This will take time. Think of those patients arriving at the ER where the doctors say "We have to wait for the swelling to go before we can operate". Your wife's emotions are swollen. You can't operate now. Just give her the space.

Knowing that it will take a few months, take this time to GAL and think. Your wife seems to have some issues, if she's hitting you and calling you a loser (these were big no-no in my R). Farther down the road, you might reconsider whether that's the kind of want you want in your life forever. I know you're not ready for this question now (neither am I) but set it aside for later consideration. Let's say you were not separated, but would get every second week off, what would you do with your time? It might help you to tink about it more clearly by framing it this way.

I really like this from Jefe:

You have to let her get to a place where she can look up and go: "Crap, how did I get here?" so she can see her own actions that led up to it. That'll never happen as long as you keep jumping in the middle and give her more reasons to blame you.

Exactly: let her do what she wants (after leaving the house, it seems!). Do not take responsibility for any of her actions. Do not advise her or help her out. She's looking for ways to blame you. She's also looking for freedom. Get out of the way, it will do you no good to insert yourself. She'll find her own apartment, she'll find a way to get the kids, etc. She has to live with the consequences of her decision.

I feel like I'm speaking way too much for a newbie. And you have sandi2 on your board, lucky you. 11 000 posts of experience. Enjoy!