It's easier said than done, I know. But you have to let that stuff roll off your back like water on duck feathers.
There is a trick I used to help me when I was going through some bad chit with my xh, (the father of my 4 kids is h#1, different than MLC H).
Xh was different in some ways from your H. But this still may help.
Xh was very intimidating. Menacing. Abusive in covert ways.
He would often look me square in the eyes, and smile while he did evil things.
He knew it got to me, and that was his payoff. It worked, again and again.
The trick I used, was I started to envision him as a two year old having a tantrum. I would mentally play out the crazy stuff he did that day, as I went to sleep, and envision a two year old doing and saying those things instead. It wasn't far off....
What it did, tho, was allow me to stop being scared of him. I'm not scared of a two year old who doesn't get his way. I'm stronger than that. He looks like an idiot. It helped me bring him down. That perspective and approach allowed me to stop being bothered by his nonsense and games.
Your xh is acting like a little 4 year old kid with a lollipop in his mouth, taking it out and showing it off to the people who don't have one. Even if that kid hates the flavor, his goal is to pi$$ off the other kids.
Then there is a payoff for the kid to have that attention.
Your xh seems to want your attention, even negative. That's really pathetic.
Quote:
But the way he came walking out- like he was king of the earth. Looking right at me, walking like he was saying, "F U, Mighty!" Then he walked past my mom and her friend and actually said hi to my moms friend. Smiled like Joe Cool and waved and said hi! I just saw her cringe at him! She was so uncomfortable.
I read that, and tried to imagine how many seconds of your attention ^^^^that took to happen.
More seconds than looking the other direction? Walking somewhere else? Looking down at your phone and keeping your attention elsewhere?
It appears he may be getting his payoff while you watch his actions? Idk.
You're too busy to notice, remember?
Mighty, xh doesn't deserve the air you breathe. Truly, he doesn't.
Remember how you thought of that bratty little 4 year old when you were, like....9? The nine year old doesn't care. That 4 year old kid is just immature. 9 year old would probably laugh shaking her head...and walk away. Whatevs.
Besides...xh doesn't even have a lollipop. He's waving his doggie doo doo around and trying to make people jelly. Puh. Leeeezze.
I'm glad you vent. Maybe start putting some energy into challenging yourself when you see xh? Use the opportunity to see how looking at xh as a little kid, ridiculous brat might help?
