IF what happens to former spouses is going to be some barometer for OUR happiness and life, OR if we let it effect our happiness and life then we're forever tied to them and their problems & baggage or their happiness. Why would we choose ^^that?
Their life as of now, cannot matter to our life. The 2 are NOT connected.
If you confront what you're really feeling it'll startle you. I mean when she dropped the bomb on you, I can relate to the blow to the ego. (WE ALL CAN). But now, years later, for you to still wish ill for her (even if it's only half serious) means your detachment work has just slid backwards a lot...AND It means you are still using a scorecard.
Scorecards damage marriages and sometimes they even destroy them. When we keep score, we built resentment and we hinder or prevent forgiveness.
We also break the "love does not keep a record of wrongs" piece of many wedding ceremonies. That's why I advise dropping the scorecard. But here you are, dusting it off to see if she is "finally lonely" b/c that is what is "Fair" to you, and if not, YOU will be sad....(yes??)
What is that^^ really telling you? With the work you did on yourself, can you agree that much (or all?) of it was needed?
IF so, then there were some things legitimately lacking in the marriage, and her needs were unmet for awhile, correct? Okay....So what if she's finally happy?
Why isn't that actually a decent good thing? Heck, You loved the woman and down deep, don't you want good things for her? I bet a small voice is saying "yes sure, BUT only if I also have good things happening in MY life!!" at which point my advice is for you to focus on your life and what is still missing in it. B/c if you were content in it, if you were at peace with your present choices, her wining the lottery or marrying the affair partner, would NOT bother you at all.
On a good day you might even wish her well. Finally, the fact that she is marrying the affair partner is good news in my opinion. Why? Think INSTEAD, IF she left you for a man she never married, AND yet married someone else down the road, -- that would mean that 1) she left you just for "some guy" who didn't even matter that much to her to last; AND 2) when the A finally fizzled out with OM..., She did not go back to find YOU, and say "Whoops!! I Messed up! Take me Back Please. I GET IT NOW!!!" -- but instead, she found another man instead of you...again...
See my point? This way, she marries THE guy for whom she left you. She got swept up into a big fat romance and voila, she married him! I think it's less painful if you look at it that^^ way. So why not look at it that way?
Just some food for thought and my last .02 (probably)
Please just, feel better. This too shall pass. This could provide the impetus for you to make that final break, of real true detachment. Where the head goes, the heart will follow (if we let it). So, Let it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
