I cannot accept that this is it.

[Zues126]

First I want to pipe in about guys wanting their W to be a good mother. I think it's important, but it can cut both ways if guys feel like the kids are more important (or all important).

As for this sitch, trust 25, but be careful to read her words carefully about interacting with your W. remember, if it sounds like you are telling your W you've changed to get what YOU want it is controlling and pursuing. If you let her see that you've changed naturally it is better. Personally I let her see that I had realized the error of my ways, but didn't talk too much about my changes. She commented about those on her own not much later.

really get the point that this is ABOUT YOU, FOR YOU. In a perverse way you have no shot at a good relationship with you W until you can live without her. Sorry, there is no chance you can avoid the entire grieving process if you play your cards right. That's the 'bargaining' phase of acceptance. That's why it's so important to focus on you. The more you focus on you the better you'll feel. The more you focus on her the worse you'll feel.

Last point (i was going to post on my thread but maybe it's better here) is GAL. I had other critical 180s, and personally I thought GAL was overrated because I did a lot on my own before BD. But I've learned GAL is about something more important and relevant to your sitch- it is about you meetin your own needs. 25 said this, and it is so right. The more you meet your own needs the more you can do all of this: focus on you, let go of her, demonstrate change, and be a confident man she can admire. I'm assuming you have some fears/discomforts about having friends as that is unusual. Maybe start with a councelors to get help for that. Or another approach is to start in an area you are comfortable (if you are great at chess join a chess club so you have something in common and have a reason to feel confident).

Lots of advice, probably overwhelming. But make sure to follow sandis and 25's rules when you're interacting with W, and for when you're on your own take small daily steps. This isn't about your W anymore. It's a path you'll be on for you for the rest of our life. Welcome aboard, good luck, and may you find comfort soon.