Hi Job, Smurf & all ...

Smurf: Thanks for chiming in. I wasnt asking you to do my homework... I was asking what particular behaviour was like hers.. or if you are just speaking in general terms. FYI, I don't think sunshinelewis's posts are available... I cannot find them. Also, I have GAL... I think I need independence & my own house (this would help).

Job: I already understand that I cannot fix, push or manipulate him.... I goofed this time, it was a mistake.... pushing and manipulating. 2 x 4 to self!! I am still impatient!!

I am not going to beat myself up about it anymore. I need to let it go & be OK with my own actions (right or wrong).

I have learned about myself (I have done a weekend retreat and was surprised at what I found out). I learned about several monkey's that I need to discipline & control/accept. I am working on myself to make myself better & happier.... this is & will continue to be a work in progress. I am not sure why this is not evident in my postings, I honestly am trying. I know I don't need him (sometimes I wonder if I even want him... this/he is a lot of work). I am hoping to read Sunshine's thread so that I can gain more knowledge. I did try earlier to see her posts but I can only find recent ones.

Tonight after work, I knew I wasn't going to attend my women's meeting & I suggested that we have a cup of tea at his place. He didn't really seem interested, although he did come around to the idea. I suggested (vulnerable & fearing rejection), because I wanted to know that if "I" make suggestions that he is willing to participate on my terms too. He had been wanting to rake the leaves, but was ok with my suggestion, I had a quick tea & then left. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

~~~~~~~~~~

I am doing the work to improve myself... I have improved myself & will continue to do so. I am not perfect, I made a mistake... For the last few days I have been riding my emotions (enough is enough now).

Tonight, I am unable to attend my women's group where tonights discussion is about setting goals. This is me, working on myself. So, unable to attend that meeting, I will will post here and treat this forum as my therapy for tonight.... if anyone wants to chime in, please do.

This is what my goal is:

"I surrender and allow myself to receive the gifts of life & love by letting go of control, because I am worth being pursued and appreciated"

My action steps are:

~ re-read: Surrendered Single, What Men Really Want, & Co-Dependent No More .... grasp this stuff!!
~ be aware of the need to control (STFU)
~ let go of the control, enjoy the outcome of allowing gifts to come to me
~ gain confidence. Be aware/appreciate self MORE!!
~ be "open" to whatever

~~~~~~~~~~

One of my questions to all is "how" I am not valuing myself? (please be as specific as you can)... I feel that I am valuing myself because I am not settling ... I am "tolerating/accepting" certain behaviours from him (and I am hoping he is tolerating/accepting certain behaviours from me) because we are "seeing how it goes"... my tolerating will be a temporary action until we are on more solid ground. An example of tolerating his behaviour is the lazy approach to his offers. However, I did clarify with him & got a better response.

When I read about posters who's husbands slowly return, the response usually is accepted by the readers and the general advice is to go slow & don't expect much from him.. (feral cat, squirrel analogy, cake baking, etc) ... I am wondering why I am not getting more of this kind of advice?... it "seems" as tho many of you expect him to be offering marriage or to be ready for counselling... geez, the guy is still coming out of his MLC... I don't get the pressure/demand here (as much as I would sometimes like to whack him on the head & wonder why he isn't already ready??)

Last edited by makingmagic; 10/21/14 12:14 AM.

M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)