At the end of my previous thread maybell posted this:
I'm saying it's not final because people change their minds. He may not realize he could, but we've heard many stories of how frequently people do. I'm saying, you are focusing on the bad and neglecting your own self.
But it sounds like that's where you need to be for the moment, so carry on.
I'm not saying that to be snarky. You've been so upbeat for so long that it was hard to believe you weren't in happy marriage a lot of the time. Now you're in anger. Go crazy, get it out.
You're right. People change their minds... But is it likely? My whole life is based on whether someone will change their mind. That's depressing. True but depressing.
I am definitely focusing on the bad. When I was focusing on the good I was wrong and seeing things that weren't there or weren't accurate. I'm struggling with finding balance and holding on to it.
I don't know what to do for myself. Honestly. A manicure here, yoga class there, special time with D... I love it but it only brings very temporary relief. I'm struggling with finding my positive voice again.
I was very upbeat before and come to find out, all the reasons why were false. I thought there were indications he might change his mind, thought I saw hope in his eyes, loved the changes I was making across the board... Now? It's hard to stay afloat let alone upbeat. I'm really trying. I'm hoping to get where Shining is with her perspective but man, I'm just not there.
Yes, I'm angry. Angry and so hurt. Just like so many of us. I used to be really good at logically thinking my way out of a problem but this one doesn't work with logic and it's too painful to emotion my way through it.
I met with my IC today. We talked about our role reversal of his emotionality and my logic and practical approach to our issues. We talked about my lack of emotional expression and lack of empathy for his. We talked about H's negative narrative and the litany of things I did and didn't do during the marriage, about he is not ready to see it any other way. She encouraged me to be more emotionally focused on myself and others. To practice empathy and empathy expression. To give H the space he needs.
