Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

Wow, similar sitch here. Ws first affair was in 11. I too wonder if this is all part of some pattern. Post-partum factors are present at both of my BDs, and seems like maybe for you too.

Perhaps some post-partum in 2009 (1 year after giving birth), but now our youngest is 3 so it's unlikely. What might have happened this time is that she stayed home for a year, after a very stimulating career and a move to a new country. She was job hunting, taking classes and freelancing from home. Once she got a job, she was overstimulated. She acknowledged herself that the new job had been a trigger. She saw how nice people were to her and she became financially independent (not quite: her parents supported her move entirely and probably pay part of the rent). Her shrink told her it was the last independence she needed to leave me, after detaching emotionally over the previous year (revisionist history? maybe, maybe not). The pattern here is that every time my wife starts a new job, it's the greatest thing, everybody is fantastic. Once she leaves, she can't bear anyone anymore and just wants out (flight reflex, I'm telling you). This may play in my favor, as she comes back down from her initial high. I know she's been under a lot of stress at work lately and, just after the breakup, she had her first warning that her productivity was not as good as expected. I don't want her to lose her job, but it was nice to hear that she got a reminder that this is just a job, not a new life.

Is there an OM this time?

I don't know. There's this one colleague who's helping her a lot and visiting her since she moved, but he doesn't sleep there. She told me there was no one when she left, mid-September, that she didn't want to be in a couple, she wanted to be alone with herself. Then again, her decision was quick and she moved on very quickly, which suggests and OM. Also, everybody who found an OM seem to have been lied to in the same fashion. As I said, I try not to obsess about it, but knowing would help me understand better the reasons for the separation.