I cannot accept that this is it.

[25yearsmlc]

I would also like some guidance on how to behave, respond, and talk to her when the times arise. What am I trying to convey to her in terms of what is happening, i mean if she asked me "how are you", i think i should say more than fine or good, but I believe that I should not over elaborate. what is the message I am trying to "convey" to her whether spoken or unspoken?

The response IF SHE ASKS you about the marriage, is something like this:

"If I had it all to do over again, there are a lot of things I'd do differently."

^^^ This shows your willingness to change, but it does not make you a doormat. It also does not escalate the discussion.

For your general "attitude", you can say "I'm struggling with things but I know in the end, it'll all work out."

AND OR, "I'm doing alright, given the circumstances."

Essentially, you want her to see that YOU have had an awakening, which means that you know your life will improve b/c you are working on it & making changes.

Understand?

.