It doesn't feel like a fairytale anymore...

[fthnluv]

That is your reality now. Why haven't you detached yet?

I'm not sure how to answer that question. I have read some on detachment and I feel like I have done some detaching. I found this information:

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves. I think I've done this.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational. I've done this as well. But I still worry about H's choices because I still love him.
* Giving another person "the space" to be herself. Done this as well. I never reach out unless absolutely necessary but I do respond to him on the few occasions that H contacts me.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people. I suppose I have not disengaged.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing. I've accepted this. I don't like it though...
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life. Working on this.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence. Working on this as well.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering. I don't feel guilt or responsible for H's choices or failures. I realize this is a journey H must go on alone.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling. I believe I have accomplished this as well.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life. Not sure what "back away" means here, I am putting H's MLC in perspective and taking this time to work on ME.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point. I guess this one is a matter of opinion. I feel lead by God to stand for my marriage and I believe that God is telling me (at this point) that we will one day reconcile. Until God gives me a different feeling/view/path to take I will "hang on" to the vows I made and stick by them. This doesn't mean that I don't let him go and do the things H needs to do in the meantime. It just means that I won't give up until I believe God calls me to.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them. I think I did do this by not "bailing" H out for the negative consequences of what people will think or the sadness D5 has for his choice not to come to her birthday party.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be." I understand this but I don't even think H knows who he really is right now. I want him to be what he claims to want to be and that is a man of God.
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you. I'm working on this, obviously H's current actions still hurt and I think that's normal.

So, since I am about 2 months since H told me he wanted a D and 30 days from finding out about OW and still feel I am being called by God to not give up on H or our M (although I realize that it may go all the way to D and H's remarriage to OW in between) I'm not sure how much more detached I should be at this point.

I realize that not everyone will agree with my faith to stand for our marriage, in light of all the current circumstances but I am strong in my faith and my faith calls me to ignore the worldly circumstances and walk by faith alone. God clearly wants our M restored, that is very clear in His Word so if that is in His plan we may still need to go through all of this in order to become the people He wants us to be and have the M that He wants us to have. I also realize that God gives us free will and that H may never come around. If that is the plan I am quite sure that God will begin to give me that word and He will change my heart at that point and I will be able to completely let go and move on then.

Please, Mr. Bond, if you disagree please let me know. I can take it! Again, we may not agree on this but I know you come from a place of experience and I believe you have my best interest, as a whole person, in mind so I respect what you have to say.