I asked before but don't recall getting an answer, but is the child part of your life at all? Have you met him/her, and or have your kids?
No the child is not a part of my life. and the OW has said she does not want me to b. I do however pay support.
Now, on the security level, you have to wonder how safe your wife felt with you.
You were "inert"? You say you were inattentive and inactive with her and the kids, so I think she did not feel safe with you, in terms of what would happen to the kids if she wasn't around AND whether you would really "Show up" for her.
I believe I was always available. I was I think overprotective of the children, to the point that I stunted their ability to have fun in an attempt to keep them safe i.e. could not be barefoot in the yard, afraid they would hurt their feet. I did not cook meals and always made easy food - sandwiches, mac & cheese, lunchables, simple things.
There are a lot of ways women can feel unprotected by their mates.
Like not standing up for her with your family would be a huge one, or being bad with money, (not that you are, just a comment. Or, bad mouthing her to others, or involving your family in private matters,
I always defended her, I never bad mouthed her to my family.
And not being able to provide for the home and family is another big way for a woman to feel unsafe and unprotected by her mate.
I was not a good provider, i see that now more than ever. My only defense is that the mortgage at least, was always top priority, whilst the other bills suffered.
He Helps her feel safe and provided for, with the children...
I did fail at this in the grand scheme.
I think her fears about money are probably very real and deep.
I see that now.
I would like to hear more of that from you, about your wife. Know what I mean?
