Many thanks for the encouragement. I just don't see it happening without a miracle; her change of mind/heart that is. She's been checked out for so long and she believes what she wants to believe. She says she's forgiven me, but then says she can't forgive/get past what was said and done even when acknowledging and saying she understands things from my perspective. She would rather give up everything she cares about and take a path that she admits would be harder than staying and working things out. She insists she cannot see changes and doesn't trust I will ever be able to offer her the trust and security she needs. This last one hurts me the most I think. It hurts because in my mind I've made huge changes but I'm just not completely there yet. She'll recognise the little things I've done such as cooking her meals, taking her out and treating her, giving her daily compliments, respecting her space happily. But the changes that have been hard for me were changing my desire to be understood and go about trying to prove myself "right" and caring about her feelings and wanting to understand her. I guess I hadn't given enough acknowledgement without any correction. Some of her perceptions about me were clearly wrong and were causing her to think of me as untrustworthy and uncaring. So after listening to her feelings, telling her I understand how she feels and then telling her how I felt and why I acted as I did, I am still thought of as trying to criticise her and prove I'm right and she's wrong.
It was frustrating and I now realise that I should have had more patience and validated her feelings more without trying to share my own, at least initially to build the connection and trust.
But it's done now. I can only 180 for my own sanity. There's nothing I can do to save this marriage. She's declared it dead and moving on to the wonderful new life she wants - and I've wished her well. I am at a loss and grieving but I still want to maintain my dignity and deep, deep down I cannot stop caring for her and loving her so I endeavour to remain respectful and compassionate right to the moment I kiss her goodbye for the rest of my life. I love her enough to let her go if she's truly unhappy. I've given her everything and that's the last gift I can bring myself to giving her.
There's no saving this marriage - only learning from it.
