There clearly are some positive signs in your exchanges with your W. She seems to want to be more present in your lives and in your home. My advice, and one that I NEED to follow, is continue to detach, GAL but also show compassion and kindness when you can. Be a GREAT father and friend.
If your W has guilt over what she did (and we know she does) and she thinks either you will not forgive her or she cannot forgive herself, nothing you will say will change that right now. I am sure you have told her that you will forgive her for her actions and that you also are working on yourself. What you cannot control is how she forgives herself. I prayed to God today to help my W find a way to let go of whatever resentment she has and to find a way to forgive herself. Your W and my W need to do that piece on their own, with God's help.
You need to care for yourself. I think your exchanges with your W were good. Maybe keep then shorter (I am bad at this piece myself). Sometimes, I will just send a text exchange with "TTYL". End it on your terms. Not her terms.
Keep on truckin'
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
