Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD

[gogofo]

This was the issue. It took BOTH of you to get to this point. If she doesn't want to go to MC, then she will never understand that and always look to YOU as being the person with the keys to making her happy. It doesn't work that way. M is a give and take. Unfortunately she didn't learn that.

I would definitely NOT have said you were Piecing since she took no personal responsibility to making your M work. Sorry to hear that.

Bond, thanks for your insight. I think we were piecing, or were at times. I could definitely tell when she was trying because things were good. The last trip we took on September 26th was amazing and she felt it too. She was trying and I have never stopped and it was evident.

Now she takes my changes and actions of caring as negative. She told me she loves flowers, multiple times when reconciling and so I have kept her in flowers ever 2 weeks. I come home with flowers and replace the old flowers with the new ones. I also showed consideration when she took trips, giving her a bag with road snacks and a bottle of wine for when she gets there.

Before I went hunting on the 12 I put together a new flower arrangement, went and bought food and snacks for her and the kids because she was getting in late on Sunday and would not be able to go to the store and I also wrote her a heart felt card. The card described how I deeply cared about her but did not always show it appropriately, how important she is to me, how I will miss her, how I looked forward to our date on Friday and how excited I was for her to spend time with her friends on Saturday. I opened my heart and tried a new communication technique to see how it would work.

On Friday when she was unloading my stuff at my house I asked to talk with her. She stated that the flowers were nice, but she already can do that for herself, the food was the same thing. She said it was no big deal and why should I be praised when it was something she had done previously in our relationship and it was taken for granted. Then she took the card and said she had to stop and think if I was one of the most important things in her life. Basically took my whole group of loving gestures and crapped on them until they were discredited and became negative.

Quite a shift from us planning on selling a house and moving together just two weeks previously.

It feels like she is trying hard to find reasons not for us to be together. I can tell the root of this is her pain from the past as she went back to our previous relationship problems and applied them to us now.

I would like us to understand each other and go to MC. When I mentioned it on Friday she said she "doesn't have the time for MC" which is pretty much the truth.

I am genuinely concerned about her stress and how she feels and I think I will write her an email reaching out to her. I will post it here for review and to get opinions on it.

Thanks for the help and insight