Bond... he has mentioned it a couple times over the past few months. However, when I have suggested it...he pulls back, says he can do this on his own...So, out of my control.
As for IC, a few months ago I asked my doctor ~ she was going to get me into free community counselling. I haven't heard back. I guess I will call her again today.
Sunshine ~ Yes, I know he has a fear of commitment. However, this doesn't mean he wasn't faithful and loyal. He was definitely those qualities. Your assumption is incorrect. I did not push for marriage. After years of realizing we weren't getting married, I backed off. I was ok with it. We had a living arrangement that worked for us for a long time. BD happened due to mid-life crisis. His best friend died, and he went searching for a better life (didn't find one). He is back wanting to work on himself & our relationship. At this time, he thinks he can do it without the help of IC or MC.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As for me.... last night I did what I did not want to ever do. I pushed and was trying to manipulate to get some security. I don't know what I was thinking... he invited me over for dinner & next thing you know I was going through his phone, talking about transparency & asking why didn't he have sex over the past 2 years. It was not pretty. He was trying to keep it light & playful ... I was pushing! UGHHHHH. Everything I said I wasn't going to do... I did. I am being insecure.. not confident & independent!
I do not like myself much today.
I want to fix, by saying I'm sorry..... but wonder if that's the wrong thing to do. Maybe just back wayyyyyy off until he feels safe to come around again?
I don't need the 2x4's. I am doing that all by myself.
Last edited by makingmagic; 10/20/1401:54 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
