Married young, W had affair w/ coworker

[UpperCu]

Weekend went alright. W and I were both home this weekend. She was working on school papers, I was working on projects around the house that I've been putting off for the past 6 months.

W initiated several long conversations about our relationship. She apologized for the A, acknowledged it was wrong, and she cried. I just nodded and said okay and held my hand out to comfort her and she gave it a squeeze. That was the most physical contact we've had in 2-3 weeks. She had many questions about my changed behavior, and I apologized for not doing things differently in the past (I used to work late often, now I've been coming home on time, I've been hanging with friends every night, been going to church and bible studies, excercising more often, eating healthier, making the bed every day, picking up after myself, focusing more on my physical appearance).

She is still saying that she wants to know what she missed out on by getting married so young, that she has accessed a part of herself that she can't ignore and whatever happens, she doesn't want to regret passing up on the opportunity to be free and independent and NOT married. She is annoyed that she is legally bound by marriage, and I said I hear what you're saying and as far as I'm concerned, legally bound of not, you're free to do what you want. You know where I stand and that I didn't want this, but you're an adult and free.

I've done a good job at dropping the rope and we haven't argued. Although what she is saying is really hurtful, I swallow my pride and acknowledge those are her very real feelings.

I've checked up on her computer use and don't think she is in contact with OM, but can tell she is planning to see him soon. Seems like SHS is spending time each day fantasizing about him, looking up actors who look like him, watching sex scenes, etc... Her presentation in a couple weeks is related to a project he worked on so I think she is dreaming up her next encounter.

I know I'm breaking one of Sandi's rules...

Is there a healthy amount of checking up on her I can do to confirm if the affair is still ongoing? Or am I just hurting myself by not fully detaching emotionally? I feel like I know the answer, and I need to get out of the way so God can work, whatever his will is, but I am struggling with letting go. Any wise words?