I've dropped the rope....

[Sotto]

Thanks Mr Bond - food for thought.

I am seeing a counsellor, and we have been looking at the first area. I have been practicing giving feedback/raising concerns. I know I need to do more work on the being perfect/sense of fun. What am I going to do, you'll ask? I'll think about that some more - but I guess it is just about being more relaxed around people. Not worrying that I will be judged. Showing my imperfectness and taking more risks. Looking for the humour in situations.

In respect of love life - fair point. H and I have talked about this and he knows I am willing to work on this. I guess there hasn't been a practical opportunity since we have S and the A continues. But I know it is really important going forwards if we do get back together.

Buttoned up? Well, I have changed jobs now - to a much less 'corporate' one. Also started volunteering and very much a jeans and T shirt role - so I guess that one is changing...

With the understanding and listening. I have done a lot more of this lately with H - until I started LRT anyway. And he has said how heard and appreciated he has felt. What can I do going forwards? I guess it is really around, stop what you are doing, really listen, probe, be completely available, ask questions etc. I know I jump in with solutions too fast. My mentality is often just - how can we sort this out? - and this has been to the detriment of truly understanding at times.

In terms of the provocativeness, again H & I have talked about this. He knows I'm not naturally a provocative dresser - but I have said from time to time I'm happy to dress up more. There have been things he has bought for me that I haven't worn. He hasn't mentioned them, but I guess that may have hurt too. That said, I have dressed provocatively recently without being asked - since he said at new year he felt some of our spark had been lost.

But, it may have been too little too late as "Pandora's box" had been opened with the OW.