I've dropped the rope....

[MrBond]

"I agree with some of them - trying to be 'perfect' - which links with the sense of fun. I do have issues with being accepted by people, and try a bit too hard, rather than thinking people can just take me as I am. And not truly saying how I feel about things - I find it easy to say positive stuff, but less easy to raise concerns - which I think links to a fear of rejection."

So what are you doing about this?

"I also accept our love life had lost some spark -"

Spark doesn't get "lost". It gets neglected by choice because you choose to let other things be important than your love life. Do you initiate sex or date nights, etc? Did you do anything to encourage romance?

"but I struggle more with the "buttoned up & corporate" - that's not how I would see myself."

It doesn't matter how you see yourself. It's how your H and maybe others see you. Just because you don't agree because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's wrong.

"I also accept that I didn't understand how unhappy H was. Partly perhaps because I was happy & didn't want things to change."

That's a problem right there. Did he ask for certain things to be changed but was shot down or "politely" debated out of? That's just plain putting your needs ahead of someone elses.

"But H has also acknowledged that he didn't articulate things well - described himself as putting out "weak signals."

Have you ever thought of actually improving your listening skills rather than relying on him to send out stronger signals? Maybe he did but you didn't see them or just dismissed them blindly.

"I also wasn't happy with the "dressing provocatively." I said to H I didn't mind this now & then, but in general I like what I wear and am happy with the way I look."

And so did you EVER dress provocatively for him WITHOUT him having to ask you to?