I cannot accept that this is it.

[25yearsmlc]

There are 2 other "pieces" to this, I think you should have in your "arsenal." One piece is GAL (and the other piece will follow later.)

This is In addition to becoming THE INVOLVED father your kids would no doubt love you to be, (even if they act weird about it at first.) Aside from your wife noticing, b/c she will and that will come from the kids, not you, it will make you feel better and will reassure your kids that you have no intention of dropping out of their lives. To me, a lot of your behavior sounds depressive. But I'm not a shrink. Maybe you can discuss that with your counselor.

Below is what I did to Get A Life and where I was, it wasn't easy. But it made an even bigger difference in almost every aspect of my life, than I hoped.

Think of things you "always to do" or "used to" want to do but..." and DO THEM.
Hobbies, places, classes, etc.

For GAL suggestions, here is some of what I did when we lived in the interior of Alaska, including in the winter.

I had 3 kids then, including a baby & toddler (so I don't want to hear about how you are 'too busy' to GAL).

Most of these activities involved meeting other people. To me, that is key to NOT obsessing about your spouse (or in my case, my h.)

You need to get your mind OFF your wife and OM. Some of these are "quieter" actiities if you strongly prefer. But you need to get out of your rut and spark things up and you must meet SOME NEW people or you won't get the stimulation and interest that you need, to stop the obsessing and to get your mind on something useful and NEW and NOT your wife.

A few months after back surgery I was in a show. At a rehearsal I suddenly realized that 3 hours had passed without me noticing my back pain, though I'd been standing for most of that time.

I was pretty surprised. So I REALLY processed that and took it in, thinking "mind over matter" can work! So later on when I was in the midst of this nightmare, I did some theater again.

Sure enough, there's nothing like an live audience to get your mind to focus and zero in on your lines and NOT obsess about a person you have no control over who isn't even there...

I'm just letting you know that whatever thing you can imagine totally occupying your mind for a few hours at a time, (a game of chess does it for some), DO MORE OF that thing.

Inertia is the greatest enemy to GAL. Overcome that, & you'll be well on your way to a happier more fulfilling life. IMO, the more you overcome inertia, the better your R's will be with all people, including your w.

I volunteered at a battered women's shelter.

I coached a girl's softball team for two summers (my older D was on it).
I was on the board of directors for Wrestling, ( our son wrestled).

I auditioned for community theater and met some fun creative people. I got cast, too.

I did stand up comedy (and yes, I still do it). I did a whole set once on a MLCs at the Hollywood Improv. It went very well.

I learned to cross country ski, became a better shooter.

I Learned to hunt big game, to deep sea fish, & I got better at downhill skiing.

I learned to use a snowmobile ("snow machine" to Alaskans)
I loved riding.

Learned to fly a plane, and I got a pilot's license.

Went skydiving! I loved it so much I did it again. I plan on doing it again, soon. I've taken 2 of my 3 kids as well. LATER on, my h and I did it for my birthday, together...

Edited a book. (The book ended up on the Best Seller's List. Who knew?)

I Worked out 3-4 times a week, and I really did get in excellent shape. Looking good made a world of difference to me. Found a work out partner and began socializing after the work outs.

(Plus I'd just had our last child and needed to lose the baby weight. It was not easy to do, let alone in the dark, deathly of their long LONG cold winters).

In the winter, I used a tanning booth, which helped me a lot with depression. I felt more energized, and it probably helped my appearance, which also helps us FEEL better.

Saw a therapist and for some months, & I went on ADs.

Took a pottery class (very odd for me to do, but I liked it a lot).

Joined the Officer's Wives club after 15 years of active duty.

(Wish I had joined sooner! Met two women who are life long friends to this day.)

Joined a writer's group
Took a class in Conversational French Class,

Took a class in Italian cooking - delicious!

There is more, but I just wanted to suggest to you a few things you can do that do not cost a lot.

Other than pilot training, most of these ^^ activities were free, or quite cheap.