I cannot accept that this is it.

[25yearsmlc]

One more thing:
The GOOD NEWS is that all this means you are NOT POWERLESS to repair things, b/c you only control you, and you are the lynchpin to repairing most of the problems in the marriage, b/c most of them are related to your behaviors.

What does this mean, so long as she is with the OM?

Wow, that question surprised me and makes me a little sad.

I would like to think it means that you are going to work on becoming a better man b/c that's what you want to do.

BECAUSE IF THE ONLY reason you'd work to improve yourself is to get your wife back, then the changes are NOT authentic, they are tactical. And they won't last b/c they are not real.

You have to want to become a better man, b/c YOU WANT to be the best man you can be.

Do you see ^^^that? Does that makes sense?

Also, no matter what SHE does, you would be in a much better place emotionally, by making these changes. The changes I'm thinking of are changes that will help you be a happier man. (I have suggestions for how to get started - but right now I feel as if you need persuading to believe in it as a concept).

You'd be a more loving involved man and less of a spectator in life. The comment you made about not being interested in having any friends, to me,

sounds a lot like someone who says "I am lonely but I am so used to it that inertia has kept me frozen and stuck and I am paralyzed".

But maybe you need to ask yourself this:

WHAT is more frightening ---, to go on living like this and probably lose your wife for good, and an intact family, and to be distant from your children the rest of your life...

OR to make changes? Overcome your inertia and fear and that will be a start.