Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

Eventually, when she realizes that e grass isn't greener and she can't solve her own emptiness problem by losing you, she will come to some hard realizations about herself.

Is it normal that I hope she will for her own sake? I'm concerned that she will have a miserable life if she doesn't get a hold of her immaturity. Maybe, deep down, I hope either she'll come to that realization or she will have a miserable life. Then, I think maybe she found her own special way to be happy and that I was holding her back. There are more than one paths to happiness. As you can tell, I'm afraid that my assessment of the situation is wrapped into my understanding of the world and that I'm missing out on hers, which might be equally viable.

Your W does sound very focused on certain priorities. Still, I have the same hope for you that I do for me, that with some distance from this decision, they will realize it was not as simple as they'd imagined.

Yes, my wife is simply elsewhere, doesn't think of me and focuses on her new situation. Today, she put a picture on Instagram: a cup of hot coco, a cup of tea and two pains au chocolat, tagged #happiness. Snacks for two... It felt like it was directed at me, especially as she put it up an hour after I posted (but that would imply she thinks of me). Oh well, cry a little and move on.

I don't hope she'll realize it's more complicated than she imagined and come back for that reason. I hope she'll realize she loves me and wants to be with me. It's very hard to accept that, but it's the only way forward for a healthy relationship. She needs to WANT to be with me, not just come back for convenience. I don't say that lightly. I hope I'll reach a point where I will have some standards to accept or reject her return. Right this minute, I would accept anything, but I know it means I'm not ready (my heart is screaming at my reason for writing this!).

I didn't have a good evening. I cried again because of the basic fact that my W is gone and that I miss her. I miss the touch of her skin, the look in her eyes, the way she walks across the apartment. I was also coming back from a week-end at my parent's place, with my daughters, and I was afraid of the responsibilities and the special kind of solitude of the single parent. I cried in my mother's arms, for goodness sake.

Before I finish for the night, I want to quote Fartiltre from a different thread:

My guess is that not even she knows right now! ….furthermore if it is so, it can easily change tomorrow. I have seen it many times here!

We want answers from our WAS that even they don't know. I try to remind myself often that she doesn't know yet if she's done with me, if she can love me again, if she'll ever return. Seeing what others have gone through when it fell apart for good, it might not be such a bad place after all. So it's not a matter for us of refraining from asking for answers: it's that these answers do not even exist yet. As other vets said: you can have an answer faster, but you're not going to like it. It's something to keep in mind, as we practice our patience.

I spoke with a friend tonight that broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years because he was fed up with her. She had some issues and he was impatient with her all the time. It took him 6 to 9 months to get over it -- he called it a detox -- and then they go back together, unexpectedly. It's been several years and the change in attitude has been permanent for him. Know hope.