Card, it's good to have you around because you remind me of my resources. Positive stories in DR would be good.
I HATE not having any estimated timeline. I need to know something about my future. I hate not knowing what's going on. It's a big trigger for me. BIG.
I know. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with, and the only thing in life that has been capable of bringing me to my knees. I get sick every time I think of him with her. How could he willingly put me through this, I ask? Was she worth all this and so much better than me to make him act this way?
Hang in there. When it feels hopeless, try to take a break from agonizing about it. I think that's what some of these men do....
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
One if the hardest things, zimmy, is taking a break from it all. I cannot get it out of my head. Still can't. I took a retail mall job just to help keep my mind off of it all. It works but it's demoralizing though strangely fun in it's own way. And it often feels hopeless. It's hard not to wonder if the hope I feel is actually denial or naiveté because H feels so sure I'm wrong and he's right when it comes to whether this marriage is worth it.
Yes, easier said - I totally agree. I think it's great that you took a job!
It's not denial or naïveté - it's real hope. Nothing is over in this life. You guys will always have a connection for sure. He can't run from or ignore that forever.
Why do you think he is so determined to end the M? Why are you so determined to save it?
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
He's determined to end it because he feels he deserves what I've not given him for years, and he's right. He does. I am determined to save it because I CAN give it to him and we can make this marriage not just good but amazing. I see it and feel it. Amazing. Strong. Resilient. Passionate. Loving. Fun. I know it.
I HATE not having any estimated timeline. I need to know something about my future. I hate not knowing what's going on. It's a big trigger for me. BIG.
You're never going to have 100% certainty about your future, no matter what. Things can change in an instant, for everyone.
Here is what you DO know: you can be the best you that you can be. You can be the best mother you can be. You can be the best co-parents you can be, regardless of what happens with your relationship. Those are things you can be certain about, so work on those, regardless of the outcome.
This is true, vossy. The future is always unknown but I never thought the part I can control would be out if my control, if that makes any sense.
I am going to put forth a better effort at being my best mom, co parent and ME I CAN BE.
I see IC tomorrow and I'll make an appointment with my DB coach, too. I'm leaning a lot on people. You guys, therapy, my journal, my BFF (who just went back to work after having her first child 3 months ago so she's dealing with her own stuff, too). I'm not afraid to ask for help, but I am afraid of doing it alone.
