No fear everyone- I genuinely intend this to be non-adversarial and H has declared in writing the same (I know its not legally binding but still a comfort). Yes- I've dropped the rope - but I will be right here with GAL, PMA and 180 flags flying. I will still be following coach's advice by being brightand cheerful and by giving H words of affirmation- we still have to somehow repair this catastrophe enough to co-parent after all. I just don't have to act "as if" anymore.
I confess - yes I want to be a woman that only a fool would leave but a secondary goal is that every 3rd party associated with this divorce process will also think "Dude- you are an a**hat for leaving her". Petty, but true.
I really don't know how to handle the kid thing right now. We should be addressing D6's concerns together. He sent an email tonight confirming kid pickup and drop off dates. I answered his questions and then gave him a description on the conversation with D6. He responded with another schedule clarification and no mention of D6. None.
I know that one of the worst things that can happen is that the kids feel like they have to pick sides. And wouldn't you know it, the first thing D6 said was "Mommy - I love you more than Daddy" in an anguished sob which. broke. my. heart. Sure - I reassured her it was fine to love Daddy, and that he was a good Daddy who loves her with all his heart. I don't know if I should tell him that little detail, but at the same time he should really know what she's going through. Mediation can't start fast enough. I know part of the process is co-parenting counseling which I think we need desperately. H finally responded to my question about when I should expect to be served. I can give him a date or time or contact his lawyers so I will call them first thing in the morning.
I know all this sounds very angry and I'm not going to lie...of course I'm angry but I sincerely don't want to be. I know that won't help anyone, least of all my daughters. I will get it under control, And despite all, I feel for my STBX. He is a lost soul right now.
Had a lovely day helping my daughter with her "pumpkin book report" and then had a fantastic time at a local Halloween carnival with the girls where we learned to dance to Monster Mash, watched vey game amateur jugglers and got in some early Trick or Treating. The last few weeks I have realized how much the weird "off feeling" in our marriage had affected daily life and made me walk on the proverbial eggshells before BD. Its far easier to be fully present for my children and truly savor these moments with them.
Thanks to all for their kind words. Obviously have been going through a bit of an emotional vortex the last few days and haven't been giving other people's sitches enough attention. Will do better.
