Claire-- Is DB Worth it? Part 8

[Maybell]

No scorecards allowed, remember?

[claire7]

Thanks all. Especially for the hugs.

[Georgiabelle]

Claire,

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Personally, I prefer gelato:-). Sending you hugs. You will get through this and be even better than ever.

[claire7]

Thanks.

Intellectually I know that. I really do.

But this morning? When my D cried, "don't go mama" and I realized I won't see her until after work tomorrow since she is staying with H tonight....

I'm feeling a lot of anger this morning. I hate him for this right now.

[claire7]

Ok, I've calmed down a bit. And maybe I have reached a new step. I just don't have much interest in him right now. i'm at the point where I cannot completely put on a smiley face without any expectations or feelings behind it at all... but I sent him a logistical email today (just to confirm something we had needed to figure out) that was totally detached. Not friendly, not angry. Just the facts, ma'am.

His reply was similar in tone.

I think I'm better off without him. I mean, I certainly am at the moment.

Aside from the massive amount of grief I've had to work through, I'm stronger, happier, more confident, more at peace than perhaps ever in my life.

I'm letting go.

HIS LOSS.

[Maybell]

Yep. And your gain.

[Card29]

Aside from the hatred, awesome stuff, Claire. You have no idea how inspirational that is for me to hear at the moment. Strong and independent.

And I'm assuming you have D3 tonight? Yay

[gan]

I'm stronger, happier, more confident, more at peace than perhaps ever in my life.

Pretty powerful stuff. I hope you frame that and put it up on your wall, Claire!

[Ahoy]

Me too, Claire! It's a great feeling, isn't it? I hope it lasts.

[claire7]

Had a rare moment last night of truly missing my H. His friend posted some pics from her wedding. I saw them because he was tagged. He looked nice. Bright blue eyes, nice smile.

I haven't missed HIM as a person for a long while.

Then, when I saw him this morning, my feelings shifted.

I saw this man, who up and left his wife a year ago, and still can barely look her in the eye and say good morning, even when she is friendly and dressed and ready for work. I saw a man who is socially awkward and still struggling with guilt and shame at what he has done. I saw a man who is weak and afraid. This man who told me it took him a lot of courage to leave, this man who told me for months how hard this all was on him, and how tired and stressed he was-- I want no part of this man.