No, you're wrong. It really does, if you make the effort to make it so.
I don't want my H back any less than you want yours back. But I have a lot to process for myself and I found that I couldn't spend time enjoying his company without there being some blowback. So I need time till that's not true. I'm using that time to explore the validity of the disjointed pieces of information I have from him and to explore the things about myself that got me here and that's what's putting me in a better place at the moment.
You're experiencing the blowback that made me step back.
It really, truly gets better. It really does. But first: you have to NOT BELIEVE that he can accurately predict the future. What he's saying right now doesn't HAVE to be true just because he believes it is. Your opinion of what your future could be is just as valid as his is.
Second, you have to LOVE YOUR LIFE. Seriously, Labug couldn't have given me a better challenge than to find something wild and crazy to do. I'm making bucket lists and re-evaluating my excuses for why I put off the things I could be doing now. I'm saying yes to practically everything that comes my way that is healthy. I'm really trying to embrace the concept of beginner mind. I'm treating myself like all of this is just part of my adventure. Which it is. (Note that I recognize that I'm not going to feel this upbeat all the time... but for the most part, I have a GREAT LIFE and why would I waste on it one big pothole?)
Every day is just that one day. It doesn't define your life or predict your future. (Remember the movie Gravity?)
I've been reading Harry Potter to my boys and we're in the later books now, where Harry is really starting to fear the extent of his similarities to Voldemort, and wondering if he really is a good person. Everyone who guides him reminds him, no one is all good or all bad; we are what we make of ourselves, the sum total of our choices, big and small. The small ones are probably more important than the big ones. And Harry spends all of the books being, in turn, both the hero and scapegoat among his peers. One of the things he learns is not to take any of it too seriously, because the Wheel of Fortune is constantly turning.
Start by recommitting to being the great mom you've been up to now. DB that little girl to the hilt. Enjoy your time with her. She's taking this separation hit anyway, so provide her with as many awesome memories as you can. Include her in the bucket list ideas that are appropriate for her. Take pleasure in that.
IT GETS BETTER. And when it does, you will be a in a great spot with your H, because he's already in a place where he can watch your changes.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
