Claire-- Is DB Worth it? Part 8

[KGirl]

But I can't really be so surprised. I had reservations when I married him. I never thought he really liked me enough. He was never able to articulate exactly why he loved me. Such a red flag that I chose to ignore because I was so grateful that someone had actually chosen me to marry. I didn't value myself enough to think I could do any better.

Yep, those red flags. I've been thinking this lately, too. I should have probably thought a little more when I issued the "If you're not going to marry me, I'm going to move out and rethink this - I only moved in with you because you said we were definitely getting married" ultimatum. Why should I have been OK with someone that finally said yes only under those circumstances? We were together for so long and starting so young I just couldn't envision any other outcome but us getting married and continuing on. I'm struggling now with whether I just "settled" or if I did truly make the best decision at the time and thought he was what I wanted.

I think you were the one that said a family member told you to marry someone who loved you or was into you a little more than you were to them. I do feel that I put a lot more effort and care into him/our R than he did towards me. Maybe we can't do anything about this R but if nothing else hopefully it gives us things to consider and red flags to watch out for next time - for me it's going to be loving someone for exactly who they are and not what I think they could be given time/work/"fixing up" etc.

This is all with a virtual hug, of course