To Pursue or Not

[Arcola]

So today WAW really let it be known to me how she felt about who gets what as far as property. Up until now, we really haven't had any discussion about what would happen with our current home or a future home for the kids. Here is how the conversation got started and things that were said. I also spoke of OM.

Note: We've just got back from a family vacation and in my opinion all was okay disregarding our sitch.

I was changing the door knob on a closet to be one that locked so I could use for a networking lab setup. Now, know that I seldom modify the house or rearrange anything in it. So I think this triggered something in her that probably said, "He's going to continue on with this house with or without me." So after I finished I came into the dining room where she was vacuuming and the talk began.

She began to tell me that she doesn't know what she's going to do when her lease (in 4 months) is up on the rental SHE CHOSE. She goes on to say we need to sell the rental home we own (prior to sitch she wanted to sell it but really didn't care if it was a rental to save/make us money). Then she says we need to decide what we are going to do with our current home. In which I respond, "I'll refinance it in my name."

She must have not liked that answer, because she said with a grin, "I'm not just giving you this house." She goes on to say of the sorts, "You'll have to buy it from me or give me what I'm due." Note that the house is in both of our names.

She then goes on to say, "Do you think this is what I wanted (speaking of our sitch). Do you think I wanted to get that rental home." In my head, I'm thinking, "You actually did, regardless of how my past actions may not have met your marital wants."

When I spoke on the subject of the rental home she got, she said, "Its because at the beginning of our sitch, nothing was happening so something had to happen to get things rolling.

I somewhat understand how she can feels this way, but I believe she completely lost sight of how the adoption of 3 of our kids would play out and the financial burden we/she would incur because of it. She's now working a second job at nights twice a week which coupled with her day job would not be enough to pay for the rental, care for kids, and other expenses (car, utilities, etc). We do get a monthly stipend for each foster kid and still do for our daughter we adopted 4 years ago. But know when they're adopted the stipend isn't guaranteed as it then depends on if there is an ongoing psychological issue with the child. So those can't be counted as steady income for years to come ( nothing in life can really, but anyway)

The adoption process is like a waiting game and we cant adopt them until Feb. Moreover, we can't be divorced and adopt them officially as mom and dad.


So the above is how things played out for the most part and my thoughts on it. I will say I lost my cool a couple of times, and didn't validate her feelings much. I totally felt that she was lashing out on me because aside from me not being an affectionate husband (the only thing she mentions during this conversation) I've pretty much carried on as usual, detached as best I could, and not gave her too much friction or openly concern of what she's doing/feeling.

I did at a couple of points mention we probably could work on our sitch if she didn't have feelings for another man. I also criticized her for thinking I'm wrong to feel how I do knowing she has feelings for another man.

Through snooping I've found that she has planned or has visioned her future with OM. I think this played a big roll in how I responded to things. I, however, did not let her know I knew this.

Lastly, I'd like to say that in the heat of things because I was so upset with her with how she seemed to make me the overall bad guy for this sitch, I told her I'd buy another house and she could keep this one so it wouldn't add to the change of things for the kids. I do now realize its a valid concern for her wanting some value of the home we now have. Nonetheless, I do plan on taking back that comment and at least seeing if I can afford the house on my income alone.