standing for me

[Ahoy]

H called to ask for family dinner to discuss D14's abuse of technology and parameters for handling her boyfriend when he's around. The issues are all at his house (no surprise). I said yes only because it's for D14. Then he gets mad at me again for the other night's communication with D14. He was also mad that we had seen his car when he was supposed to be "out of town" (but was hosting OW for the long weekend). I told him I would not have driven down his street en route to somewhere else had I known 1. that he had a girlfriend, and 2. that he lied about being out of town. He's mad at me, but he is the one lying. He's just embarrassed to be caught. Instead of owning up to his mistakes, he gets defensive and lashes out. So unattractive.

Immediately afterward I started to question if we are really going to be able to get through a dissolution rather than divorce, which takes a lot more one-on-one communication and agreement on our parts. We'll hire mediators for the financial stuff, so that should help. I want to choose the path of peace, and jim on this forum shared with me his firsthand experience of a child of divorce. I want to avoid nastiness. I really do. But H is nasty. So nasty.

Also, he got mad at me when I said, "I didn't realize you were hosting your girlfriend." He said I shouldn't call her his girlfriend. He "doesn't want to put labels on things." (Why? guilt and lying about reality of relationship.) I said, "Should I call her your mistress?" Then he hung up. I called back. I said, "I just don't know what to call her -- tell me what to call her and I'll use that vocabulary, but we do need to be able to communicate." Still no terminology recommendations from H, so I think I'll call her moccasin. Why the heck not?

H is so crazy. Moccasin is in for a real treat.