wife needs time to figure things out, need advice

[jim0987]

OK recapped your thread. A few things jump out (all just my opinion)

First - reread what 25 said to you. Then read it again. You are driving yourself nuts and unless you can detach a bit more its going to keep hurting

A DB coach might be a good idea so that you can talk what your doing through. Finding an IC might be helpful for your anxiety (it helps me and I don't think there is any shame in asking for help).

After you've read DB, DR and 5LL. I would read NMMNG. You need to set some boundaries to protect yourself - that's definitely not the same as ultimatums - But you also need to respect hers. she has asked for space so give it (and no snooping). When your not doing that your letting your fear control you.

She will find confidence and self respect far more attractive and therefore is much more likely to want back in.

I'm no vet round here and making plenty of school boy errors myself but I hope this helps.

Good luck