Well, yesterday AM, we had an R talk. What lit the fire under my butt was having a nightmare the night before. It was one of those dreams where I am going along my cheerful little way, thinking my life is getting back to normalacy...out shopping and stop in a coffee shop to get a cup...and there he is with OW and I realize that I have been living in an ILLUSION of safety...the A is still ongoing.

The nightmare work me up in a cold sweat, practically hyperventilating. I wanted to wake Wolfie up and ask him to hold me until I could get a grip and go back to sleep. I didn't though, because he would want to know what the nightmare was about...and then I'd have to deal with him getting irritated.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I decided flat out--I cannot live this way. Stuffing everything down so that he can be in denial is straight up bulls**t! It goes against everything I have learned about what it takes to work through things and rebuild an R after infidelity. Most of all, it is living a LIE and not being true to myself.

So....I told him all of the things that I normally would come here and talk about. I told him again that this isn't about punishing him or rubbing his nose in it. It is about wanting to heal and fighting for US--insisting that we get past this in the only healthy way--going THROUGH it, not around it!

I know that I have the benefit of having had a good C who gave me a lot of books to read on this subject. I told him that it wasn't that he was doing it "all wrong", but that maybe he just didn't have all of the information he needs.

I did give him the article I posted and a few others yesterday morning. He said he'd read them and that "we'd talk about it when I got home from work".

I was tense coming home, because I wasn't sure what his reaction was going to be. He was (surprising to me) in a very good mood and seemed to have a confidence about him that I haven't seen in a long time!

We didn't talk a great deal about the things he had read, but he did comment on one article that he said was especially helpful. There was mention about how hard it was for the spouse who had caused the hurt having to change roles and actively become the healer of those very wounds.

He said that had really spoken to him. He had been "wallowing in his own turmoil" because he'd been feeling helpless in the face of my pain and anger when it comes up in any way. He said the articles had given him some direction and that he felt like he had a better idea of being more "proactive" now.

OK, well--I've been saying much of this same thing for a LONG time now, but I guess he wasn't ready to hear it until he was ready to hear it .