3 months after BD, the roller coaster ride hurts

[devotee]

I'm about halfway through Divorce Remedy. Divorce Busting just arrived the other day. Is it bad I'll be reading it second?

We've been doing pretty good. He's doing a lot of work on himself and I'm handling my anxiety pretty well. Except I've noticed I've started developing hives. Yuck.

I've had a weekend of working all day and night. Tomorrow I'm taking the day for myself.

[devotee]

MC has been going decent. We've had good days for the most part. He still won't visit my family or say he loves me. We are supposed to have a Date Night once a week according to our MC contract and we have been doing that but he dislikes calling it Date Night. He is vocal about hating all my friends. When we're alone it's amazing. Any one else enters the equation and he just rags on them and my DJ job. Still so hard. I have several guys trying to pursue me but I turn them down and proudly wear my wedding ring. I do feel like a chump. Some days I feel like giving up and just letting go. I feel taken for granted but I love him so much. I would do anything to be an expert on detaching.

[devotee]

I have been doing well by not letting his blame and moods affect me nearly as much as they used to. During his manic session last night I just left the room and went to bed. Things seem to be a bit better today although he's drunk. I'm at work DJing right now. I plan to spend most of tomorrow doing my own things... Bike riding, therapy, etc.

So I think I'm managing... But not easily in the slightest.

[devotee]

We had a very emotional MC session yesterday but it really brought us closer. I think he sees how much I've changed and how much I am risking for this relationship. It kind of woke him up. He's been focusing on dealing with his own troubled past and issues stirred up from his childhood during this MLC. He's doing really well with seeing what triggers his panic attacks. In turn I'm doing well managing my own and keeping a level head. I had a good cry during the MC and feel like I need some time on my own for another emotional letting go. Just to release...

We had a mellow but nice date night tonight at the movie theatre. No pressure, just enjoying the evening.

[bravo61]

glad that things appear to be turning a corner for you. stick with the plan. don't get to far ahead of yourself. prayin for ya.

[Strauss]

I do feel for you my situation is very similar plus I have 3 young children, getting no affection back had got to be the hardest part coupled with the limbo. Hang in there

[devotee]

I did well last night. He didn't. I thought we'd had this great date night. We got home after the movie, watched some tv together and then I started falling asleep. So I asked if we could go watch in bed. He said he'd be in in a few minutes. He never came to bed. About an hour later I heard the sound of him opening the whiskey. He proceeded to get drunk and pass out. I had a friend drive me to work today. Didn't hear from H all day, so had same friend give me a ride home. H was even more drunk and now sprawled out in the bedroom. I checked in on him and he told me to let him sleèp. 6 hours later he comes out, all grumpy, says a few words and goes out to smoke. I walk the dog and now it's bedtime for me. I went and stroked his arm and said goodnight. He didn't say anything.

I'm not going to let him pull me into his depression again. I'm going to try to sleep. I don't have plans for tomorrow till I work tomorrow night. I think I'll just go biking and spend some alone time. Finally finished the book Divorce Remedy. Sticking with a lot of tips in there. Guess I'll start the other book Divorce Busting tomorrow.

[devotee]

So.... How do you deal with crushes during this whole ordeal? I'm a DJ and get quite a bit of attention. I've been good about just brushing it off and not entertaining it in the slightest. But there is one guy I've actually been feeling a bit of an attraction to. I won't act on it, I'm married and wear my ring still even if my H won't. But should I feel bad I'm kind of crushing on a guy? I feel like a chump with my H calling all the shots. I figure I need to detach and live for me. Is it ok to flirt and hang out with other guys or is that inviting more issues? If my H does leave me I don't want to be left on my own. Although I don't want to get anyone's hopes up if H and I stay together.

I do a see a different side of myself. In the 18 years my H and I have been together I never even thought about another guy in that way...

[devotee]

I go up and down so much with what I want to do. We make so much progress then he does something stupid that makes me want to give up.
Just the other day he blocked me on Facebook again saying he needed to "separate" our lives. It's the action of a child. He says he can't trust me and how much I hurt him. I know it's just projection but damn it hurts.
How can I love someone who treats me this way.

[devotee]

Still living with the ups and downs. So worried about the holidays. He doesn't want to spend them with my family. My family lives for the holidays and really want him there. I don't want to pressure him. It's up to him, I know he has shame and feels it will be awkward but my family is not judgmental towards him at all. Such pain for all of us.