Continuing DBing after the affair

[PeterV2]

Hiya toots.

I've explained myself several times. On New Years Eve when she chose to be with OM (which she says I have no proof of) I decided my marriage was over. I spent the next 3 days calculating the division of assets, writing the separation agreement and booking an appointment with a divorce lawyer. And I joined up to a couple of adult on line dating sites just to see what was out there. (Frankly I was disappointed with the calibre of women on those sites). When my W came back to the house the following weekend to tell me maybe we could work it out and that she was going NC with OM, I cancelled my D lawyer appt, cancelled my online dating site subscriptions and filed all the paperwork in my archives.
I think it was 1-2 weeks later that she was calling the OM again(phone records) but I didn't know that until mid March when I happened to be going through the phone bills.

Yes, I consider New Years Eve a very important date. A time to set goals and make resolutions for the coming year. I always spent it with my W and gave her the first kiss of the year. Thinking she was giving the OM that kiss drove me over the edge.

The more I explain myself about that week the angrier she gets. So I've decided to STFU. If she asks about it again I'll tell her there's nothing to talk about - that was the past - let move on.

We spent a lot of time together today. I cooked a great steak dinner and had the family over. W helped a little in the kitchen. When she said goodbye tonight she hugged me and kissed me and asked me to text her when I got home. So maybe she has come to some sort of peace about that incident. I definitely won't be bringing it up again.

Still have to work on validating her feelings when she dredges up the past, with replies like, "Wow, that must have made you feel inferior and not wanted..." I know that's how she felt, although that was never my intention - that was just her perception, and perception is everything. I have to stop explaining and defending myself - that's what she expects and that's what continues the cheeseless tunnel syndrome. I need to do the 180 and not argue my motives and just validate her so she feels heard.