I cannot accept that this is it.

[Card29]

billman, you have found the best community you can on the Internet for your situation ("sitch" on these boards). There probably is nothing in your sitch that hasn't been addressed here before. So pay attention to the vets (veterans) by looking at people's registered date. I am a relative newbie, while 25yearsmlc is of the vets. There are other great ones that post regularly. Here are a few other basic things you should know:

- make a profile signature like others you see here. Include basic info to help people help you (ages, years together, years married, children, and important dates (BD [bomb drop], separation, D papers filed, etc)
- read Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy immediately
- befkre that, at least read the post that is pinned at the top of this forum - Sandi2's 37 Rules. Read them everyday and follow them religiously while you are in this state
- also at the too of this board is a good resource - acronym list

Have you read Surving an Affair or His Needs Her Needs? Sounds like your R has been plagued with A from the beginning. A lot of the info in those books won't be applicable until your W is ready to work on the M (if she ever is), but you probably need to learn some of those concepts. Also, if you haven't read it, most here have read 5 languages of love, and many people use terms from that book to. The books I'm mentioning in this paragraph are not DB books, but are useful too. But DEFINITELY start with DB and DR. Order them ASAP and begin reading as soon as they arrive (or as soon as you download them).