Yeah, so she got home after 2:00 am but before 3:30 this morning. Not sure when since I was sleeping on and off, but she did sleep on the sofa. I guess to not wake me up. I decided to look at phone numbers she was texting last night (bad idea) and it included the OM cell number and another guy I think I mentioned before, that she got his number at that wedding a couple weeks back.
Funny thing she was texting OM and new OM at the same time. Bad news she stopped texting anyone after 1:20 or so, then texted new OM at 3:00 and he replied once immediately. Great. Only thing that allows me to be in denial is that maybe her battery died on her phone. But getting home around 3 when bars close at 2, makes me think we're still on the downward slide.
This has inspired me once again to stop snooping. It is killer and I know it, but I feel I need to know what's up. However, it DESTROYS any PMA I may have and leaves me in a pissed off funk for at least 24 hrs. No more Snooping (until next time).
Otherwise she was her usual two faced self today. Went to bros house to watch an awful football game. She was friendly to me and mom and everyone the whole time. Talking about fixing up our house and staying on our budget, all while my PMA was trashed. I did give her a one armed hug while on a sofa over there. Then she told me my legs were getting skinny and I should include squats and such in my workouts. She also went shopping today and offered to buy me new shorts since my old ones are too big. I wonder if she thinks my exercising is the reason for weight loss, or just in denial that I lost 25 lbs in 20 days after initial A discovery. She's a sick person.
We got home and she fed kids and I bathed them. Somewhere in there she came to me and gave me a long hug, and I hugged back. Then she sat with the boys while I updated another resume. Then she put them to bed.
As I sat here writing the first part of this post she came in and laid on the bed with me. She was acting in a similar fashion as two weeks ago when we had sex, so I kept my hands off.
We talked a little small talk, including my resumes and I told her I was going to nail one of these recent positions I'd applied for. That I needed a job with benefits since I'd apparently leaned on her too much this last year. Reiterated the need for benefits (in case of D, but No mention of D of course) and said I'd start wherever I could and work up.
She talked of watching a movie together in bed and I said I would, but before we could decide she said she wouldn't stay awake through it. I hadn't run in two days so I decided to end our laying down time by going for a run. Now I'm back and finishing my post for the day.
It is so hard to keep a PMA. Snooping is stupid. I was in a bad place most of today, but running and working on getting more work helps with that. I feel my biggest 180 would be reliable employment. Even if I'd be making less than my small business does, her perception of stability is a check direct deposited the same day every month. I'll keep working extra jobs like I have been on top of the small biz. Every bit helps.
Oh, and trying to detach is a struggle in my sitch. I actually felt better with her on the sofa last night, regardless of why she chose to sleep there.
Me: 37, W: 36 S6, S3 M: 8 T:11 Discovered 1st A: 9/3/14 Began DB: 9/20/14 W "ended" 1st A repeatedly Discovered at least 3 more A's, filed 10/29/14
