I cannot accept that this is it.

[Mozza]

Wow, this sounds rough. Good on you for coming here to get some support. It says a lot about your self-awareness and desire to right a wrong. I'm no veteran and I just arrived here a few days earlier, but I hope you'll find here the support that you need.

Probably too late to tell you that burning the bedsheets was not a good idea; sounds like a judge made that clear already. I can see that jealousy can make people do crazy things - perhaps you should have a look at the forum on this topic to see how others handle it.

By the way, I believe there's no point in wondering in what way the OM is better (he's just different) and then rehash the ways in which this relationship makes no sense, is contradictory, etc. My W may or may not have someone already and I don't think he would measure up if we both started at the same point -- but I had the strain of 10 years of relationships, many hardships, and 2 kids on my side and was not aware of the competition, so he won (with him, it's simple). If you really want to do something about it, make yourself attractive. Fix the issues for which she left you, be consistent, give her space, GAL, etc. It's not going to be easy, but find motivation in the idea that every effort is a step towards your goal -- like the pain of running a marathon. Good luck.