Thank you 25yearsmlc for all of the advice you have given me. I do wonder if not responding to H's texts will make him think I was being passive aggressive rather than just too painful for me to deal with.
But even if he does think it's because it's too painful for you to deal with, how does that help you at all? Guilt will NOT get him home to stay. It will turn him off more. Sorry...You want him to realize/believe he's losing a great catch, NOT leaving a pathetic needy clinger....
I am thinking about what you said about feeling that you wasted a year of your life asking WHY? I am going to make an effort to try to put the focus on myself instead of trying to understand this insanity.
You must focus on you. There is NO answer in his heart/mind that will make you feel like "Oh, its ALL so understandable NOW" and or, that will ease your pain.
Really, what is it that you hope he's feeling? (Other than horrible regret, which you 'd know about by now)?
My statement that there is no satisfactory answer is what I learned after a year of asking "Why????" And if you ever do track down my thread you will see that I am telling the truth.
A DB friend finally read my WHOLE thread and she said "25, you were right, you DID ask 'why' a lot!" And when I stopped asking why, the only thing left was for me to look in the mirror and say "what now?"
And the answer is "write the rest of the book that is to be your life. Don't let someone else or some 'outside event' or external factor, write it for you. Be the author of your life."
When I had my own awakening, with some pivotal moments happening over a few months time, I felt different, pretty thoroughly. And that showed. As I think I shared with you earlier, (I think it was you??) When you are at peace within, when you KNOW you have done your true best and have fixed your "stuff" - and become the best YOU that you can be, then you can turn it over to God and hold your head up and go in peace. I did. And it showed.
MANY people commented on how content I seemed and they were right. After all the grief and pain I had endured, I finally found my way. And it showed and that made a difference in how I felt and behaved and how I was seen...
and one gets noticed more, when one is happy inside and out.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
