Raliced - I'm also very sorry to hear about this development. You seem to be reacting with courage. It's ok to feel weak, just as long as your actions are strong.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
raliced, I am EXACTLY where you are, so I feel your pain. I hope, along with the pain, comes the clarity and conviction that comes with no longer being in limbo. It sounds like you have direction now for yourself. You are strong and will come through this just fine. Your H will have to deal with his relationship with the kids on his own terms. (I'm struggling with that right now.) I could have written much of what you wrote above. Who wants to stay married to someone that you can't respect? Who lies and cheats and only acts in their own self-interest, with no regard for the kids.
I'm done too. Rope officially dropped.
I can tell you that my brain is still trying to process everything, but since gaining the clarity of the situation with OW I have definitely moved on and feel clear for the first time in a long time, and it feels good. I hope the same is true for you. Let us know how you're doing.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I thought I might feel differently after a good nights sleep (and surprisingly I slept excellently) but I don't.
I know this will be a difficult year. At the moment it sounds like H and I should be able to settle the practical aspects pretty amicably but who knows if that will last. Like Ahoy mentioned I have a surprising amount of clarity right now.
Right now my biggest concern is that H might downward spiral into an even bigger mess. I don't know anything about current OW other than she is also a cop and named Lisa. However the first mistress had just been dumped by her husband and was in need of "rescuing" so I can't help but wonder what the story is with this one. Because whether I like it or not, he is playing happy family with her and my kids.
You know - after I told him I knew yesterday, he sat and watched the entire game with a big grin on his face.
raliced, I don't know about you, but thinking about the whole D process triggers a lot of fear in me. I too want it to be amicable, but our communication right now is not great. I know it will be cheaper and more amicable if we sort out the details ourselves, but it sounds like torture to me having to meet with him to do so. It might be worth the money to file for D instead so I don't have to deal with him directly on those matters. My head is spinning trying to weigh my options. I hate this. Sorry for the hijack.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Clarity is good. I hope you (and Ahoy) can really make something positive for you and your kids.
If you can agree something with out an adversarial D process that would better When my parents divorced it got really bitter because people were hurt and angry and the end result was 2 kids caught in tge middle and a lot of money to lawyers. The more you can keep it amicable the better.
You seem like a really strong person who doesn't deserve this but I also get the impression your H doesn't deserve you
Just remember there is a difference between dropping a rope and burning it to a cinder
Good luck with everything
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
If you can agree something with out an adversarial D process that would better When my parents divorced it got really bitter because people were hurt and angry and the end result was 2 kids caught in tge middle and a lot of money to lawyers. The more you can keep it amicable the better.
I know a couple who have been fighting in court for 12 years after their D was final. The W's attorney's fees are $1.3 mil. That's insane. And their kids are really screwed up.
I know another couple who attended church as a family for years and years as their kids were growing up. A lot of us had no idea they were D. Their kids are great. The mom told me once that she bit her tongue a lot.
I want to be like the second couple. I know it's going to be hard. Good luck to us all.
