Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

How you "think" of OM is one of the most bedeviling questions of this whole experience. Obviously, the less you think of him at all, the better.

I don't think about the OM much. I assume but I'm not even sure there's anything beyond friendship between them. I don't know why it doesn't trouble me more, but it just doesn't. She broke up, hence she has every right. Being upset would only make it more complicated for me to handle the whole situation. One thing I made clear with myself is that I would not try to become someone else to woo her back. I wouldn't be at my best and it would suggest other men are better. I'm reliable, respectful, funny, loyal, reflective, emotional, I dress and speak well enough — I'll continue to be. I'm not athletic, surprising, patient, handsome, romantic — I might work on it, but I couldn't compete.

I felt very weak this morning and now I feel strong. I've compared my R to that of many people over the last month and I've realized that it is special: we have a powerful bond, developed through passionate love, communication, total trust and hardship. Either this bond will bring us back together, or she will not see it and will not be worth it. I can't fix her. I've been the adult in the relationship and so I've beaten myself up in the last month for not fixing her flaws that lead to her departure (immature, impulsive...). But I come to see that a healthy R has to be between equals. Either she'll develop and mature enough to come back (perhaps it IS easier without me), or she won't and she'll live with the consequences (I don't wish her any ill). In the meantime, I can be proud of who I am and work on improving myself, learning the lessons of this R. Life and happiness are a marathon. Who cares if he has a great time after the separation and I don't? It's our nature and behavior that will determine our fate in the long run.