"I know things change in time, so I can't say that I wouldn't ever consider reconnecting with him down the line, but right now I'm really not interested."
Ahoy, and living in the now is about all we can do. Allowing yourself to change your mind later is also important.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
"It has become VERY clear to me that I was in love with being married, not in love with my wife."
You've fallen into the same trap that many LBS's do when things don't go their way. This is the same thinking your W has which made her walk away in the first place. That is just total BS. This is the first stage that starts you going off finding someone else and then when you've completely dropped the rope, your W will start being attracted to you again because there's no pressure. But it will be too late because you've already convinced yourself that you weren't "in love" with your W.
Problem is that you're going to keep looking for that "in love" person same as your W and won't find it because you haven't finished the work on yourself. You might even find someone very quickly and say that you've never been so much "in love" before and after a few months or years, the same situation will come up again that landed you here in the first place.
I say that because I see it time and time and time again. And all of the people who left, found someone new, ended up coming back here again and wondering what happened. They ALL said the same thing... "It has become VERY clear to me that I was in love with being married, not in love with my wife."
I've read your threads and you've got a long way to go. But good luck to you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
bdub, I can def understand your feelings. I have come to a point to where I am willing to put up with anything in hopes of reconnecting with my wife. I know that once my heart is no longer in it, you cant subject yourself to the onslaught of pain. It seems you have reach that point. No one can see what the future holds for us, but you have to smile and meet it head on. Best of luck to you!
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
I understand what you are saying. Right now I am working on making myself a better person. I know I am not capable of being in a relationship right now. I have to work through that and deal with those issues on my own. Maybe I have just detached so much that I have convinced myself what I am doing is right. I will certainly be looking for signs that I am on the path you described. I have no interest in finding someone else. I am pretty broken right now and I have a lot of fixing to do. I appreciate you sharing this with me and I will certainly watch for the patterns you describe. I am sure everyone says this, but I don't want to ever go through something like this again and I am willing to do what it takes to give myself the best chance at having a successful relationship.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Have not seen 47 in well over a week. We had 4 nights this week with lows in the single digits. Set records 3 of the 4 nights on top of 5 inches of snow!
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Just journaling a little and tying up some loose ends. Things are going very well. Winter in Ohio hit early and seems to be sticking around for the long haul. So far I have managed to find a lot of things to do to GAL and stay busy. I have gone through a little bit of being lonely but it does not last long and its very manangable.
WAW was suffocating S10 and S13 with OM. She was (in the boys terms) cramming him down their throat. I said something to her to no avail. Unfortunately they had to stand up for themselves. They finally did and after a pretty heated argument between WAW and boys she told them she would stop having him around when the boys are with her.
I noticed a difference in them right away. Its sad really, but I am glad they voiced their concerns to her. MIL watched the boys yesterday because they didn't have school. On the ride home from his basketball game S13 told me MIL spent most of the day trying to convince them to no be upset that OM was around. The boys aparently were not convinced. I am dissapointed that MIL would try to push OM on the boys too. Dissapointed but not surprised.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
