I think there is a strong misunderstanding about DB principles.
Detach, GAL, pursuit, ect, are to be used with wisdom. They are guidelines to be used. Not unbendable rules.
Each situation is different because people are different.
Detachment works because you see your situation from neutral eyes in order to learn what you are doing wrong. GAL works because your spouse cannot be your primary focus in life nor your only source of happiness. Pursuit doesn't work because it is desperate and focused primarily on your needs and not the bigger picture.
I have been a silent observer of this forum for years. I have watched people misuse these principles over and over again. I didn't start posting until I started following one individual who used these principals as weapons against his wife.
And he abused his wife with righteousness. Only a couple of people pointed out he was doing it wrong. But he stubbornly pointed out the 37 rules for his obnoxious behavior toward his wife.
The 37 rules are not to be used as weapons or excuses. And a lot of people on this forum use them as weapons and excuses. Which is why many of you are getting divorced despite your "best" attempts to reconcile.
Stop it.
If your spouse is giving you the green light to communicate then communicate. If your spouse offers affection then give affection back.
How do you think they became your spouse?
You are not "picking up" your relationship from where you left off. You don't have a relationship anymore. It got blown up.
You are beginning a new relationship. And no one begins a new relationship if there is not a courting phase or a romance phase.
