As you walked away from the exchange, what's your thoughts?
I feel like xh was all over the place. I don't know if that's a sign of his mind spinning or he is looking for any reason to deflect. He went from what's his problem; telling me s17 was talking about me; what did I say to s17 to make him mad at xh; s17 on the phone late and assuming problems with s17 girlfriend; me being upset that xh picked him up the other night; attendance
But the point is, I engaged. I answered all of it. I did not feel that I got sucked into the emotional part of it. I think my responses were clear. This I felt good about. I have done very well at not getting sucked in. I have been very proud of myself, and feel that has been one of my biggest areas of growth. So, why did I do it this time? But, I did not really feel anything walking away from this other than seeing how he is all over the place.
Do you feel like you should have continued the conversation after telling him you had to go?
No. I guess I responded bc I felt I could do it unemotionally. I could see he was trying so put blame on me and I wanted to hold up a mirror to him. I don't think it worked. Oh! I just learned something!
Do you feel like you accomplished anything explaining yourself (about the phone call etc?)
My purpose, I suppose, was to reflect the projection. Unemotionally. I accomplished stating my points unemotionally. However, I doubt the points were taken.
Do you feel like you need to prove something to xh? If so, why? What's really at the heart of that? Where is that feeling coming from? This is tough. I guess when it comes to the real though parts of parenting, like dealing with s17 right now, I am vulnerable. It has been tough, and I feel like I am doing the best I can, but I often question things. I feel like he sees s17's mistakes and passes judgment on me as a parent. I know that seems dumb considering what he did. But maybe bc he is in his new home with his happy family, that it's like him and hww whould be better suited for my kids in a family sitch. That xh feels he could handle the situation better. That xh feels like I am not doing a good enough job. That I am weak. That I'm an idiot. That I'm not a good mom. (OK, now we are getting somewhere)
To me, that last one is the most important. Why? Because it's the key to the rest.
BINGO! OMG! Yes! Because I wasn't a good enough wife. He saw me as not worthy. He had to leave. Now I feel like he views me of not a good enough mom, too. $h!t! That's it! Figure out why you feel you need to prove anything to him or why you feel you owe him anything, and you'll know what you need to deal with directly. At least one thing, right?
