Tal, I am also of Native-American descent. My great-grandmother on my father's side was full-blooded Native-American. I don't know which tribe. My grandmother was ashamed of her heritage and never gave us any information. My father died when I was very young, so I never was able to ask him what he knew. I am in the process of trying to trace my heritage to find out which tribe I belong to.
Along the lines of "intuition," how's this: 10 years ago I was attending school a few hours a day. This particular day my children had no school. My H worked from home to be with them while I attended my classes. At one point in the morning, I turned to my friend in school and said, "I have to go home. I don't know why, but I can't stay here. I have to go home." About the time I was getting off the freeway at home, my H called on the cellphone. He asked me where I was. I told him I was just getting off the freeway. He told me not to come -- head to the hospital. Our 9-year-old had had a bicycle accident and was being transported by the paramedics with internal bleeding. I beat them to the hospital. I was there when they took my son out of the ambulence. Before he saw me, I heard him asking for his mommy. He was so scared, but so happy to see me. Everything ended up okay -- after three operations and a month of being in and out of the hospital.
Another time that really stands out for me was when my H was in the middle of his A. We were at our favorite beach town camping at spring break. A large group of our friends go every year. I had a dream one night that my H and I were divorced. It was very sad because we obviously still loved each other very much, and I couldn't understand why we were divorced if we still loved each other. I told my H about this dream the next morning. Months later after he confessed to the A, we talked about that dream. He told me it really scared him the day I told him about it. He thought I "knew" about the A. Also, as it turned out, the OW lived in that beach town that was so special to my H and me and our family. Apparently, one day during that trip he had ridden off on his bicycle to meet her at her house.
I'm sure you don't know my story, but I've been on the board for a long time. After the above-mentioned OW, my H fell into a long-distance EA with an old family friend. (He was so messed up at the time and very depressed). He continued this EA while we were supposedly "piecing" our marriage back together, going to MC, etc. I continued to "feel" something just wasn't right. My old posts will attest to that. I just couldn't shake that feeling no matter what any of my wonderful friends here on the BB said.
Trying to make a very long story shorter, end of July 2002 we go for a long weekend with our family and three other families to Yosemite. After site-seeing for a couple hours, we stop at a hotel for lunch. Afterwards, our friends wanted to go to the gift shop. My H and I sat outside, but could see in the window of the gift shop. I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked up and saw the ex-OW standing in that gift shop right next to my best friend.
Needless to say, I freaked out on my H. He told me it was all just a horrible coincidence that she was there; he hadn't talked to her in almost a year, etc. When we got home from that weekend, we were supposed to pack our RV and leave for vacation. The next morning I had this "feeling" that just wouldn't go away. Something wasn't right, I'd known it for a long time, and then I saw the OW in a place 300 miles away from home. I was "driven" to trying to break into my H's office voicemail to see if there had been a message from the OW. While he slept, I got my H's work cellphone and started to dial his voicemail (hoping that somehow I could figure out his password). I felt horrible about doing that, so I put it away and started upstairs. At that point I "heard" a voice inside me telling me that I MUST go through with it. It also told me exactly how to do it, and it worked. The first message I heard was from my H's boss. The second was a strange woman's voice (not the original OW) saying how much she was going to miss my H, and to try and call her whenever he got a chance, and that she loved him, blah, blah, blah. Turns out it was this EA OW. The [censored] hit the fan. I finally had to tell our kids and a few other people. That confrontation "shocked" my H out of the tunnel. He finally realized that he needed help. He asked for a second chance; said he'd go to counseling for his depression; and said he was committed to our M 110%.
I have no idea where my M would be today if I had not listened to -- whatever you want to call it -- that spoke to me and guided me every step of the way. We are happier now than ever before in our marriage.
I dream of wolves. In my dreams, I am a wolf running through the night. In my "real life" I have always been a night owl. I love wondering around the house in the middle of the night when it is dark and quiet -- listening, watching. I have been referred to as a "lone wolf." I have often wondered if that is not my Native-American blood ancestry that makes me so restless.
So for the extremely long post. This subject just really hit home with me and I felt compelled to share.
