To Pursue or Not

[Arcola]

An update on sitch.

Not much has changed aside from any changes I'm making of me (GAL, detaching). The biggest factor slowing WAW down I think is the adoption of the kids. We cannot be divorced and adopt the kids. Also, she still talks to OM as far as I know. Moreover, I did some snooping and although I'm not completely happy with what I discovered, she is torn between OM and I.

I want to apologize in advance if the rest of my post is hard to follow.

I just finished a 5-day trip for me, 1 week for family, family trip to Disneyland we had planned way before our sitch. It included W, kids, some of W's family, and I. The trip was different than any other family trip with regards to W and I. There wasn't any holding hands, kissing, hugs, etc between W and I. We talked but mainly about the present stuff (Disneyland, kids, eating, buying stuff, planning throughout the week). There was one odd moment on the day we went into Knotsberry Farm. A photographer wanted to take a family photo but with me closely hugged up on W and giving her a kiss. I hesitated at the request and ended up licking her cheek. So, that was weird and I know her family (mother, brother, auntie) know we're having some kind of problems, but all laughed at the act.

That being said, I'm unsure how her mother really feels about it. MIL acted the same towards me as well as BIL. But note, that her mother is divorced/remarried because her dad was a serial cheater and her brother (age 32) has been divorced/remarried twice and is currently with his new steady GF which means woman #3. W's now father in law was divorced/remarried too. So, I say that only because I can only imagine what kind of advice or support may be given given their previous marriage histories.

So as I mentioned earlier I didn't stay the entire trip. Despite what had been planned at work upon me returning, in all past family trips I have stayed the entire course. However, this trip I didn't because the ball was kinda in her court if I went since it was going to include her side of the family. Prior to us going, I once asked W did she want me to go. And she said yes, but made talk of how long I would stay. A few days later we spoke of me going again, but she once again had to think about how long I stay. I mention this to say the following.

On the evening we headed to LAX for me to catch my flight, W starts crying in the car b/c D3 is crying she has to go potty and traffic was horrible. We finally get off on an exit to stop for potty break and as we do W starts talking about how she feels she has been a horrible mother and W. I recall my response was either "Yeah, things have been rough" or didn't say anything at all. Nonetheless, we take all the kids potty and stop at a nearby mall to eat prior to dropping me off at LAX.

When W dropped me off at LAX, she started crying again, but didn't speak on anything in particular. I began to feel sorry for her and offered to stay the entire trip irregardless of work, but she said no that's okay. So after I got my bags and set them to the sidewalk, we hugged for about 5 secs while she was still crying and I kissed her on the forehead. She got back in the car and I watched her and kids drive off.

I'd like to analyze the last two paragraphs, but I don't know exactly what she is feeling.

So that's it for the update as W and kids should be home tomorrow evening. I do apologize if my grammar was off, but wanted to post.