Can I get her back??..

[LoveMyW]

JCred, I accept your apology unreservedly..

Thanks. Very kind of you.

I would also like to apologize for my reply to you, as looking back, I may have been a bit harsh myself..

Apology accepted.

Now. Back to the issue at hand... Winning your wife back...

I highly recommend that your first step is to call Dbing and set up a series of appointments with Chuck.... I am sure he will tell you to find something in your life to get passionate about as part of GAL..Notice the word PASSIONATE..... He has also been known to say to laugh a lot.... learn to laugh and laugh often... (Women LOVE to laugh with a man who they are in love with... they often fall in love with men who like to laugh and have silly fun)...

From my experience and from listening and observing most women.... Here's what I think your most important goals should be....


Confidence.. (Over and over you will see that women are attracted to confident men).. In your case it's important to show that you are fine with life just the way things are. With or without her....

Women love men who are happy... (If you really observe relationships you will see that happy men attract women. Happy men keep women. They love men who are fun to be with and can joke around...
When you observe the men who came on this site because their wife wants out.. almost every instance the man has said he had been depressed or angry or not happy with his job, etc. etc. etc... I don't recall too many of them saying I was a happy person to live with so she left me... Learn to be a happy man.. (Happy just as things are)..

Emotionally strong... Women are attracted to emotionally strong men. Men who they can lean on emotionally. Think of the silent, strong, rock kind of man.... It's ok to show feelings now and then, but the wise man is EMOTIONALLY tuned to HER FEELINGS.. This is why it will set you back by wanting to talk about the "relationship".. It conveys WEAKNESS emotionally and trust me women can sense this and it is a huge turnoff.. We don't want to show weakness emotionally at this point.. We want to show STRENGTH emotionally... Kind of like... "Hey, I can handle this." (with your actions more than your words)


When you combine these all together consistently with NO BACKSLIDES.. We don't want backslides... Yes, we will tell you to move on from them, but let's eliminate them altogether as far as the confidence, being a happy man and being emotionally strong... this puts you on the right track...

Please be careful with overdoing things FOR her... You mentioned fixing her lights,making the kids tea and also tea for her... mentioning fixing her some food.. that's three things in one paragraph.. that could be too much too soon.. You can come across as "trying" too hard... Remember confident men don't usually have to "try" too hard to win a woman... The woman is attracted TO HIM because he comes across as someone ALL women would like..

Confident, happy, emotionally strong men usually don't chase a woman who says they don't want them... That's why it turns a woman off.. Ask Sandi about this..

SOOOOOOO, We have to "chase" her until she catches you.. (think about that)...

What 180's can you do to show confidence, happiness and being emotionally strong?... These are ways to draw her back without appearing to be chasing her.....

JCred, apologies for not replying earlier.. I didn't know this reply was sitting here..

As much as I would love to get a DB coach in, it isn't something that I can afford right now.. I know my M is worth any amount of money, but the real world needs bills paid too!!..

I understand what you are saying about the confidence, happiness and emotional strength.. I am showing confidence (more and more daily).. Obviously, I am struggling to be massively happy, but I am always TRYING to put across the front in any of our interactions.. Emotionally, I am getting better, but it is taking time.. I felt I was strong as funk before, and W knew it, but this has seriously rattled me more than anything else I have dealt with in my life..

Backslides have happened, but they are getting fewer and further between, so it must be a positive there..

The lights were spoken about a while beforehand, and although it was doing stuff for her, I found it was a safety thing, and it was more for the kids than her as it is the main car the kids are in.. I agree that the food may seem too much too soon.. I didn't look at it that way, but more of a "it's there, eat if you want".. Point taken though..

I agree about the chase comment.. I've seen it in my life before when women have broken up with me and I gave up caring.. They eventually contacted further down the track to say they were wrong, but it was too late for me by then.. I just fear that happening with W as well.. IF she does come back, I don't want it to be too late..

In all honesty, the 180 I could do would be getting myself seen out and about around town.. I know the pub/club scene causes more issues, but we live in a reasonably small town, and even if I wasn't going out to "pick up", word would get back to her about the good time I was having..

Without sounding like a douche her, but I am fairly attractive (so I have been told) so the female interest element would be there too..

let it out LMW. you are not sighing, you're pissed and you should be. anger is a totally acceptable emotion. it is your body telling you that something isn't right. vent, cry, scream, but do it all on this forum. don't let the anger control you or hold it in. it will turn into resentment which is the hallmark of the WAS. you don't want to turn into one of them do you? close your eyes and imagine what a M would like like with the best you and the best her. now, can you look in the mirror and say that you have held up your end of the bargain? if you don't put in the work you are wasting your time. i'm not saying you aren't, just the collective YOU (if that makes sense). now picture that wonderful marriage again, is it worth working towards even if it may not happen? if you can't honestly say yes, then you have some decisions to make. who knows, that may help you detach. just my two cents. feel free to visit my thread and smack me about. God knows i feel i can't see positives right now but maybe i'm too close to the sitch.

Bravo, I am with you about letting it out, and no, I don't want to be like the WAS.. AT THE MOMENT I can say yes, I am putting in the work as best I can, and I know full well that I want to save or rebuild my M with W.. I know I can do better, but better is always an option.. At the end of the day if it ends in D, then I want to be able to say I did everything I could and didn't give up, although at times it seems I want to but I fight through those thoughts because my W and kids are worth it..

Yes, our marriage as it was even a year ago is worth working for.. What I see now, I never want to see again!!..

I will visit your thread ASAP..