Had a nice night out last night and chaperoned my S6's field trip to the dairy farm this morning. Such a nice time. Really trying to focus on the value of these experiences with my kids, showing them that someone is there for them. Ive always tried to make time for my kids, but its definitely a 180 to ensure that I'm there for these memorable events. Before, I would forget to plan to go on most of these types of excursions. New me plans ahead and follows through. Just feeling way more in control. For years I have been a forgetful scatterbrain often at loose ends. I barely feel that way now.
When I was leaving the farm to head to work, W texts asking if I can drop her off lunch, cuz when she is busy she's unable to take a lunch break. I said sure, and brought her lunch (without asking what she wanted). She texted after thanking me for getting her food today and yesterday. Apparently she heard from the doctor and she needs to have more tests in a couple of weeks, and the doctor said she doesnt think her thyroid is the issue (??). I'm afraid I dont see an "easy" resolution to this health stuff any time soon, especially as its somehow tied in with W's drinking/depression, each thing fueling the other. W said she really needs to get on insurance ASAP. I cant really help her there.
W leaves at 6AM tomorrow morning to go to the next session of her course. This time there is an overnight stay, with an added seminar on Sunday. I strongly suspect OM is going, as W left bed and breakfast sites open on our laptop. Despite this, she mentioned wanting to go out tonight when i get home from work (which will be close to 10PM!!) No idea how her body can hold up with all of this. I am completely baffled right now.
And yet, I keep up PMA. I keep up my 180s. A friend and I chatted last night and he said it was amazing how visibly different I am from the me of 6 months ago. I keep my distance BUT I am still doing these nice things for her. It all feels very conflicting, like Im letting her cake eat. But when I took vows with her, I promised to be with her through sickness and health, right?
M: 33 W: 33 M: 9 T: 10 3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5 BD: 8/3/14 Living together
