Gogofo - Piecing with the W

[gogofo]

So I went and talked to my IC and it felt good to have someone to let all of my feelings out to. I gave a quick background of where I was and what was going on in my marriage. He listened and asked some questions and offered some analysis on what was going on. He wants to see me in two weeks and I am excited to go.

When I returned home my W was there unloading some of my things she had packed up. I came in and she was surprised to see me because she assumed I was working. I told her that I had the day off but we didn't get a chance to talk about it the other night.

I said I would like to talk to her some time and she suggested her mom take the kids and we could talk now. I started by saying here is how things seem to be where they are from her asking me to move in two weeks ago. She agreed with my assessment of her feelings of stress and feeling overwhelmed and revisiting the pain of the past.

She is angry with me and all the pain from the past and how it is bubbling up again and hurting worse. Now my changes make her feel angry because she feels like everyone should clap and celebrate the new me when it is what she had done all along and she didn't receive any praise. We are having trouble trying to work through all the past pain.

I gave my version of our reconciliation history and how we were going great in the beginning. She was out of school, not taking classes, and my work load was low. We were communicating more and had time for each other and the family. The bumps in the road from the past relationship were small and we talked through them.

As we went along she started taking classes and work got busier, but we still were progressing decently. The bumps and setbacks were dealing with bigger issues and they hurt more, but we got through them.

Now she is way over committed with work and her classes and we barely have time for each other let alone working on reconciliation.

There are also a lot of triggers that are sources of pain and stress.

We were getting a bathroom remodeled to sell the house. This is a trigger because it took a long time but also she wanted it finished when we first moved in and now it looks beautiful and she will not be able to enjoy it. This triggers lots of pain and suffering.

We are coming up on her BD and the holidays and our anniversary which are triggers too.

I told her that I went to IC and she said good, work on yourself.

I mentioned that I would like us to attend MC together and she was overwhelmed and said that she doesn't have time to go. This I think is reflective of our situation right now. We don't have time to work on us and this is bringing up previous feelings and she is hurting and wants the pain to end.

She is rewriting our reconciliation history and is pretty much blowing off her feelings of this all working out as a false feeling due to riding a high off of our vacation to Vegas.

So now I don't know what to do. She said I don't listen to her so I am granting her wish and not pushing for us to be together again. I just don't know if I should go dark or not. I know she needs to feel zero pressure from me.

I cannot help but think that MC would do us wonders. I feel that we could understand each other and work through the issues we have. I think she needs to forgive me and doesn't know how. Most of the anger and pain she described to me was from before and she can't let it go.

So now I'm sitting here wondering and worrying about my future. I know I need to GAL but right now the pain has me just wanting to lay down. I went over to my parents house and sat there with my dad because I didn't want to be in the home alone.

At the end she also wanted to load up a freezer and take it. So I helped. Don't know if this was right or wrong, but I helped. What probably was wrong was I told her it felt like I was shoving a knife into my stomach by helping. I said I know she wants and needs the freezer but it was like self harm because I was helping her move out. I told her that I was not done, I won't quite and she is what I want. Then I said I hope we could talk in the future.

So my plan is to make the road back as smooth as possible and to support her feelings and wishes. I hope this will open the possibility to MC.