Ggrass & 2B, thanks for your input. I am an idiot.
AJ, You are right. I know the mindreading, right?! I try not to and try so hard to focus on myself. There is just this big elephant in the room. I just really wonder if he is glad that he left his family to start a new one. I know, I know... I am working on it. For the most part, I'm OK, but there is this constant dull buzzing in my brain, or heart, or stomach, or somewhere that just makes me feel like I need something. I know I won't get it, but I just need to know. Maybe I don't "need" to know, but... well... I can't explain it. Do I need it to validate me? So I can accept something and move on?
Well, enter the 2x4 here. I didn't read this until it was too late. I did respond. Here is the course of communication:
xh: What's s17 problem?
xh: What did you say to s17? He went from having a good time to telling me f you, you're getting blocked.. He was telling me that you're his mom but you're a b!t<h that loves drama. he also said that his counselor thinks you're crazy too... If you said something to s17 to strain our relationship even more I need to know.
(Then I got an email stating that a text was sent and to please respond)
I finally responded
me: s17 had a great week. I don't get involved in your relationships. I stay out of the drama, actually. you strained your relationship with him. That's not my deal. Whatever he needs to tell his counselor to feel better, that's fine with me. This situation is more than anyone should have to deal with. He cycles through different emotions at different times. Normal for an abnormal situation. Glad he had a good time with you. Sorry, but I am busy at work.
xh: Did you say anything to him for him to not respond for a couple of days?
me: No. I didn't know that.
xh: He was on his phone late last night around 11PM. I can only assume that he is having issues again with [girlfriend].
me: No. They are good. I know he was on the phone. Really, he had a great week. Sorry, but I've got to work.
xh: He would never talk to me like that unless you said something.
me: What do you think I would have said?
xh: Good question Mighty. He told me you got upset that he called me that night to pick him up.
me: No. I was upset with him bc he (XXX) and was not supposed to go anywhere. He called you to try to upset me. Didn't work. Like I said, I don't deal w the drama. This is not my problem. I'm out.
xh: OK. Well I'm not going to allow him to talk to me with disrespect or have a $h!tty attitude with me. I told him his mouth su<ks, his attitude su<ks and he needs to grow up. I know he treats you like $h!t and that's up to you if you choose not to share with me.. I'm done with it...
Now...
xh: Look at s17's attendance for today.
me: I know I talked to him a little bit ago.
xh: and?
me; He left. I heard a bunch of people went to Denny's, but I don't know if he did or not. I couldn't talk at the time, so I checked his whereabouts. He was at home. I told him we'd talk when I got home. He reminded me he has practice and will talk tonight.
xh: Ok
First off, I know. I said I was busy but continued to respond. That was not good. I did wait a while in between, though. I did feel like I needed to respond, I guess.
Especially with attendance. I guess I feel like I have to prove that I am a good mom and that I'm handling things.
