Quote: Along this miserable road of life, Wolfie has been chastised for being honest. In order to avoid being slugged or eaten, he elects to not be truthful.
Can you set some goals/guidelines for yourself (specific to the triggers that you get) so that he feels safe being honest with you?
I so agree with the top half of this statement. My WAW chooses to run away and avoid the problems and projects the blame on me and holds me as the reason and cause for these. It is truly an inner deamon within themselves, the only thing we can do is to try and compensate for it by doing things that make them feel safe in opening up. How would he feel safer doing that?
Quote: wolfie's response of "why would you want to be with me if I'm so screwed up" has been said many a time in our household. I think it stems from h feeling **shamed** by me...does that make sense? I'm not so much saying that I am "shaming" as that he feels "shamed". It seems to be a very big sore spot for h...maybe for wolfie, too?
Very good point here. I've heard this many times before too. They don't feel confident enough and feel shamed. Another inner deamon here. I know my WAW has a very delicate image of herself. I now understand that I do need to treat her with kid gloves because she is so delicate. I unfortunately have the skin of a rhino. Although it has been softened up a lot lately. I am now much more sensitive to her needs.
Are these all character flaws? I guess it depends on what you consider a flaw. I love my WAW with all my heart and soul and these are parts of her that make up the person I love. The good parts that come with these things, her gentleness, caring nature would not be there if it weren't for the total package. I have wondered many of the same things you do, is it worth it all, will we always have problems, yada yada. Not to minimize your feelings, I agree they are there and a lot of us feel them too. I know these are our inner deamons at work. Let the angels rule.
BTW - there is a small DRfest in April in Seattle. Let me know if you are interested.
