PIB: one of the things I told him in this discussion was that I had never asked him to give me blow-by-blow accounts of his whereabouts at any given time. He had told me that it was a "gift" before, but I have no need for gifts that will be thrown in my face later because he resented the giving of it and then I get told that he feels like he's living in a fishbowl.
I told him that what I need to know is that we have a very clear understanding about boundaries in our other relationships and
That I knew I could trust him not to be secretive and untruthful with me.
I told him THAT is what I need--not a leash!
He *seems* to understand what I am saying and tells me that is reasonable, but
then he starts going on about "why do I even want him anyway, if I think he's so f**ked up"?
so I tell him there is a big difference between who HE IS and his actions. When we lecture the kids for leaving the door open all the time so the dogs get out--that doesn't mean we think they are defective and we don't love them--it means we are asking them to be more responsible about shutting the damn door.
"OH" he says.
I do have to admit though, that this lying thing has me greatly concerned. I said that the problems he *thinks* he is avoiding are small compared to the problems CAUSED by the the lies.
I do hope he gets it. I'm not expecting him to change who he is or his personality--I'm asking him not to repeat behavior that is desctructive to our R.
