Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

Had my D all day until 330p. We went shopping for games for our trip. I ended up buying her a couple of outfits. When the sitter was driving off, I heard her little teary voice in the back "I love you daddy, I'll miss you". This ditch is such BS!!! I wasn't really there for them but I am now and have been since I've been here. I can't go back to being a part time dad & husband. Why aren't I deserving of grace? Turns out most of her friends & family knew of this plan before me. I'm really fighting resentment right now, especially when she says "I tried so hard". BS!!! Then why did u quit when you're getting the payout?

She did call tonight so I could say night to the kids. She told me bout her new job and I told her I was proud of her & knew she'd do great. Told her I'd see her in the morning (taking the kids to school so she can get to work-so she doesn't have to pay for sitter) when I get off third shift. But you know, I'm never there for her-sigh. She did say she was really excited bout the trip. I am too, cause strangely I'm not worried bout being anything other than me at this point. I am tired of the conflicting messages. She said that she would like for us all to drive around & look at Christmas lights together on Christmas eve (after discussing possibility of working on it). I told her I remembered she always loved that. I did make a point of ending the Convo on my terms.