I usually read your threads but haven't really posted to you... you seem to have such a good handle on things!
Can I add my 2 cents? The bottom part of your post is exactly what Meredith and I have been discussing, both on and off the board. This is really tough... and while you know that I agree with you--that the onus is on him to speak the truth and allow you to feel whatever you need to feel to process things.
HOWEVER... (you knew this, didn't you?)
Wolfie seems to take your reaction very personally. While this isn't a reflection of you, you can minimize the damage. I'm willing to bet that he's been this way his whole life, so he is going to need YOU to change your reaction so that he quits taking responsibility for how you might or might not feel.
What has worked for both me and Meredith is to actually state that it's okay to speak truthfully, even though it might hurt... and we sometimes have to do this repeatedly in a conversation. We promise them that we will not overreact and munch on them.
We don't promise not to get angry, but we wholly control HOW we are angry with them.
I don't believe for one second that you don't have something good to work with here, Talitsa. Quite the contrary.
Along this miserable road of life, Wolfie has been chastised for being honest. In order to avoid being slugged or eaten, he elects to not be truthful.
Can you set some goals/guidelines for yourself (specific to the triggers that you get) so that he feels safe being honest with you?
Just consider this a speed bump on the road, Talitsa. You CAN teach an old dog new tricks. I think he's being honest with you in regards to your expectations...
Don't give up, girl. You've come so far in this process to quit now.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
